Day 2 of Detachment - Al-Anon Family Group

Mlkiss75 · Veteran Member

Day 2 of Detachment

RLC · ~*Service Worker*~

MLK,

Your picture should in front of the Al-Anon slogan......"It works if you work it." Your a testament to the program controling the only person you can and taking care of yourself in the process. I could go on and on, let me just say your post was and "Feel Good Topic".

Keep doing what you are doing, your a "Miracle In Progress".

Hugs,
RLC

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

Thanks MLK for the share...I remember when I finally arrived at detachment with love the loneliness disappeared along with a lot of other symptoms of the disease in me.

Keep on sharing it. ((((hugs)))) smile

youfoundme · ~*Service Worker*~

MLK, thanks for posting this :) Great share and great detaching :) I have been doing something similar since last week when on Thursday afternoon I found my serenity, whether he drinks or not. So each night he is either not drinking or not drinking much. I guess I am not even keeping track and that makes me feel good. I like how you watched what you wanted to and that you love him for who he is right now. Thats awesome, wonderful alanon work :) I can't love my qualifier for who he may be some day, I have to love him right where he is at, and use the gift of serenity and love to do so... HUGS! Keep coming and sharing it here :)

Mlkiss75 · Veteran Member

Thanks much for the love and support! I'm battling internally now over my responsibility towards my husband's physical well-being. At what point do I call 911? He drinks until he passes out. I think he gets alcohol poisoning. I guess it's something I should discuss with him the next time he's sober.

Mlkiss75 · Veteran Member

Youfoundme - That is pretty much how I'm feeling too. This morning he woke up very ill - so I did what I would do for anyone I care about who is under the weather - brought him a bottle of cold water and gave him some advil. We have dinner plans with my cousins tonight, and if he makes it, he makes it. If not, I'll enjoy dinner with my cousins. I did have a moment of sadness last night, missing him, but I put it aside as best I could and got a good night's sleep. One day at a time. I do love him so much and can just keep praying that his higher power gives him what he needs like my higher power is giving to me. Keep up the good work yourself!!!

-- Edited by Mlkiss75 on Wednesday 12th of October 2011 08:46:52 AM

youfoundme · ~*Service Worker*~

I have to say, I have seen mine do this, drink til he passes out or drink into a black out and then passes out... I have not called 9-1-1, because he sleeps it off and pays for it in the morning with throwing up and feeling so terrible the next day he doesn't drink at all... thats when we talk usually about things, when he is sober... If he asks me what he did or what he was like, I will tell him, but I have stopped condesending, or trying to make him feel bad about it because I know how bad he already feels. Have you read the AA big book? It may help....

Mlkiss75 · Veteran Member

My AH often drinks to avoid the hangover altogether - I'm not terribly hopeful that he'll sober up and stay in bed today, but I guess we'll see, huh? In the meantime, I'm going to try to focus on work today - I've been composing an email/conversation in my head to have with my boss about the rude way he talks to me since 6:00 this morning and haven't decided yet how or if I'm going to deliver it.

-- Edited by Mlkiss75 on Wednesday 12th of October 2011 09:15:32 AM

pinkchip · ~*Service Worker*~

I think the detachment you are describing is good for you and your psyche. Personally: I would eventually stop loving someone who was hell bent on killing themself and making me sit back and watch. In fact, that is exactly what happened in my case with me and my Ex. I have since moved on to wanting more rewarding relationships with a partner that can participate fully. Not trying to say you are not making progress because clearly you are. There is no end point to this though and I guess what I am saying is that you sound like you are in a good space TODAY and that is what matters. What you feel you have to do for your sanity and happiness tomorrow is another story.

Mlkiss75 · Veteran Member

Thanks for the input, Pink. I've only been married to this man for about 17 months, of which 12 have been spent dealing with addiction and not much else. I'm willing to give him, and our marriage, a chance. He's hurting so badly and I can see it every time I look at him. It's not my job to heal him and I know exactly what you mean about watching him kill himself everyday. He needs to have a chance - he deserves one. No one else, from what I can see and hear, has really ever given him much love and support. He deserves at least that much. I do have a plan, though, including a timeline. That's helping to keep me on track for the time being. I'm not getting any younger, and I do want to have children, so I'm mindful of that. For now, though, just letting one day happen at a time.

Thanks again for all the love, kindness, support and thoughtfulness that is shared in this forum!

flopadopilus · ~*Service Worker*~

Great awareness and it is working and I can hear it! Awesome and keep up the great work! Sending you love and support!

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.