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every week Im pouring 16 oz (from 1/2gal bottle) of vodka down the sink and replacing his bottle with water. Been doing this for lets say about 10yrs now. He's never questioned me - how can he not know? We have a now 13yr at home. When he was little I wouldnt want him home w/Dad drinking. At least this way I would know he wouldnt be getting heavily intoxicated. Now that DS is older I know he can handle things himself - he would actually be more responsible than A if anything were to happen.
A lady I met did that for her mother for 23 years. Her mother was drinking a 1/2 gallon of vodka every 2 days! She would walk around with a water bottle and she fooled everyone. She was a functioning alcoholic. My A use to label an old soda bottle as "fertilizer"! Did he really think that he was fooling me when the plant food was blue? Remember the A's mind does not work the same as our. I too use to pour the bottle away. But I poured the whole thing. I did it when he was sleeping. But it really didn't change anything. He got angry and went out and got more. You can't stop them from doing what they want to do. It isn't going to happen. I can understand you wanting to protect your son. But it's still not going to stop your husband.
Remember the 3C's: You didn't CAUSE it. You can't CHANGE it. You can't CURE it. It's as simple(?) as that. Once you start accepting those 3 things, it'll make a huge difference in your recovery. It did in mine.
As for you telling or not telling him that you joined Curves, the church, Al-Anon are you afraid of telling him? I don't quite understand why you're hesitant to tell him that you joined the gym. Good for you for wanting to get healthier. Will he really care? When an A is active, I think that they are only truly interested in where their next drink or whatever is coming from. Anybody else have any ideas?
Recovery for me was about taking my life back. Recovery for my A was about taking his old life and throwing it out the window and making a new one without the booze. That's the only way we'll have a life together.
Live strong, Karilynn
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
Hi Barbara in the old days I used to water my husband's alcohol down as well. The years progressed the drinking got heavier I then started checking out his car as he used to hide the bottle of bourbon behind the back seat. Eventually I stopped doing all that because I couldn't do anything to change it. My husband had to hit rock bottom himself which he did and has stopped drinking for a period of about 10 weeks now. But you know what the temptation is still always there to check up on him. The trust issue is huge. In the end you have to let them make their own mistakes. I am so glad I found this site and learnt about the 3 c's. Go back through the old posts you will find so many familiar stories to your own. Luv Leo xx
He knows you are pouring the booze down the sink. So he stops by the liquor store and gets another one. Have you figured up how much money has been wasted pouring liquor down the sink? Is it working? After 10 years? Nothing you can do will have any effect on his drinking. He will either drink or he won't. Start taking care of yourself Barbara. That is what is important here. Your peace of mind and happiness...whether or not he drinks. Remember...your didn't cause it, you cannot control it, and you surely cannot cure it. That's up to him and his HP to tackle. Meanwhile try attending Al Anon meetings in your area. They can be of tremendous for helping us understand this problem and how to deal with it.
Best of luck, Diva
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"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
I too am sure he knows. It is amazing they can't manage a simple task, but the complexities they go through to drink can be amazing.
My husband is a beer drinker. I would give him a hard time about drinking, so he started drinking O'Douls. The thing was is that he really wasn't. He would keep the O'Douls in the fridge, and had beer hidden everywhere. He had holes dug in the yard and would put a flap of grass over them. I found one by accident when I sprained my ankle falling in it.
He would pour out the O'Douls and use a funnel to put the hidden beer in the can. I couldn't figure out how he was getting drunk on no alcohol beer, until a neighbor told me what he and his wife saw everyday.
Anytime I found his hiding spot, he found a new one, when it comes to drinking he can be very creative. He hides it in the wheel well of his car, in holes, in the eaves of our attic, in empty crates of clothes, in with holiday decorations. I have found it in too many places to tell. The problem was for any that I dumped there where always more. he wasted money we didn't have replacing it, as I threw it away.
It doesn't work and is not worth it. You cannot control his drinking.
I sympathize with pouring liquor down the drain. I alos have poured out most of a bottle after he falls alseep hoping he would think he drank it all when he woke in the morning. But you are right, he has others hidden and just buys more. I can't imagine what he spends on vodka. Sometimes you really are at your wits end and will try anything.
I used to do that. But then he always got another one and then he started to hide them so that I couldn't pour them out. As you learn in Alanon that you will grow and learn new ways to deal with the Alchol.
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Hey everyone watch me grow. I go thru good & bad times. each day i am getting stronger.
i go with megain on this one..............."How's that working for you Barbara, pouring the booze down the sink?10 years of doing this and still your husband drinks.
i did that to my mom.....NEVER worked....she spent MORE of our grocery money to replace it...i gave up and let her drink....i was POWERLESS over her drinking and i realized it even than......rosie
