The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Recently joined Curves - didnt tell A till the next day.
Recently joined another Church - again didnt tell A till the next day
Went to an Al-Anon meeting but told A I went shopping. Well I cant keep "shopping" every week for 3hours! How do I tell him Im going to Al-Anon? (and why are those meetings always late at night when we're putting kids to bed?)
Yeah, the timing of the meetings can be a problem when you have small kids. Depends where you live, they may have afternoon meetings too. Don't let that stop you, though. I first thought of going to alanon years and years ago, when my kids were small , but used the timing as an excuse, and didn't go. Looking back on it now, I could have found a way around the problem, but I was so used to thinking that I had to do everything myself, and that I had to do everything perfectly, that I just couldn't see any way around the problems. I didn't join until my husband finally stopped drinking. I could have saved us all so much pain by getting into the program earlier.
This is not a parallel to your exact situation, but maybe there is something in it that will be useful.
I started going, but did not tell my recovering A anything about it for a couple of months. (We do not live together so it was not difficult for me not to tell him.) One day during a conversation he actually recommended that I consider Al-Anon, that it might help me with some issues I was struggling with over an alcoholic parent, and that is when I shared with him that I had been attending for a while. He has several years in AA, so he could not have been happier for me, and I will always be grateful to know in my heart it was something I did for myself before he suggested it.
If you fear it will cause a problem or if it is causing a problem (because he suspects you are not going where you are saying you are going, because you are not available to help with evening household routines, because you feel you are not being as forthright as you normally are or could be, or whatever), you may consider what you would want him to do for you to address this if the situation was reversed, and deal with it that way.
You know Barbara, it's funny. I could say to you, "Just tell him." But that would be a hypocritical response coming from me. My A knows I have been to Al Anon, but I hide this site from him, and click it off if he approaches the computer room. Here's another one...I am Jewish; my husband is not too fond of that and wants me to convert and become an Episcopalian. Not likely. ...I joined the Jewish Community Center here in San Antonio so that I can play Bridge, Mah Jongg, and swim laps in a large, heated pool during the winter months when our pool here at home is too cold. I haven't told hubby (A) about that yet. Why not? I don't know. Guess I am not quite ballsy enough. So how do you tell him you are attending Al Anon? I don't know kiddo. Start by telling him you are doing something for yourself. That sounds good, doesn't it? Maybe that's how I will begin telling my A about the Community Center!!
All best wishes, Diva
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"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
Hi good post. It is hard to tell your A that you are going to a Alanon meeting. But like Megan said after a couple of meeting and you think it is for you. Tell him that you are going to a place to work on you that it has nothing to do with him. It is a place to work on yourself. After being in the group of Alanon you will learn what to say and not to say.
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Hey everyone watch me grow. I go thru good & bad times. each day i am getting stronger.
For the longest time I just made excuses of where I was going, as time went on I just said it. My books and literature are around the house like any other book, and have been for a long time. To be honest he never comments on it, I guess he figures if he ignores it, it is not real.
