The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
It hurts so bad to know that people I considered friends and my mother-in-law are talking about me behind my back. I called her and confronted her tonight and she said she thought it was horrible to leave the way I did (while my husband was at work and the baby was at the beach with the in-laws). I asked her what I was supposed to do when he got violent everytime I mentioned leaving. It was better for the baby not to be around to witness the chaos. When she got back from the beach and I tried to go get her, he physically wouldn't let me leave with her. I have to get an attorney, but don't have the money yet. Until I do, she is staying with my mother-in-law and I know she is being very well cared for. I feel like giving up. I asked her what she wanted me to do, move back in with him and be miserable. She said no, but didn't like how I left. She didn't have to live with him. She didn't have to pick up the pieces behind him every time he screwed up. Now my big two kids are with their dad until I find an apartment and save money, which may be months and the baby is with grandma until I get a place and an attorney....He was the one making poor choices, so why did I have to lose everything? I feel cheated.
Powerless..... you may feel like you've lost everything, but what you've really done is gained your life back for you to live it how you choose to live it. Right now it might seem so overwhelming and you may feel like you're the only person in the world, trying so hard to do what's right for you, the kids and anyone else you care so deeply about. That being said, you've gained yourself. Hold onto that feeling of empowerment to get you through. As time moves forward and you see your life change, your decisions and choices you make will give you a sense of accomplishment and peace. Remember, making the right choice is usually the most difficult and painful one to make. You would think it would be just the opposite, but making a right choice offers so much finality and deep down we know it so it triggers fear. What we have to remember though is that with this right choice, there is an end to the grieving and fear. When we make the wrong choice, we will live the same pain over and over and over again without ever having closure or peace within ourselves. So ultimately a person never heals. It's like a wound with a scab that continues to have the scab pulled off baring a fresh wound again. As long as that scab is not left alone, the wound is always there and never heals. If we left the scab, eventually the wound would be gone completely, as if it never existed. However, we needed to care for that wound with gently cleansing and medicine at times even, depending on the seriousness of that wound.
Allow yourself to go through this and give all your concerns to God, then just wait and listen-- He'll answer you..... sometimes, we get so focused on what is going on around us and with all the anxiety and fear that overwhelms us we lose what it is that God is showing us. I know, I've lived it over and over and over again.
My prayers are with you......
"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future"
You have already empowered yourself. Self doubt will always be with you when you are faced with such a huge decision. Was the safety and wellbeing of you and your children compromised? If you answer yes then who cares what your so called friends think. Believe me down the track your kids will be much healthier emotionally. How much do your friends expect you to sacrifice - YOUR LIFE? Only you know what goes on behind the four walls of your home. Someone posted a saying recently that was 'NEVER JUDGE ANYONE UNTIL YOU HAVE WALKED A MILE IN THEIR SHOES". You have done your fair share of miles. HP will look out for you no matter what path you choose in life. LUV leo
((((Powerless))))) I think we shall change your sign on name to "one with more power within then she Knows" or "Neverpowerless" you are making good choices. Be gentle with yourself. Pray, pray, pray, your HP is showing you the way. Don't stress about months down the road, live in the present and don't worry about what other people think. You are right, they are not walking in your shoes, or living your life. You are in my heart and prayers.
That it was really stinks, is that yes they are the one who is messing up and it does seem like we are the ones who pay the price.
You might feel like that is what is happening now, but you are making choices adn you are taking a stand. You are taking your life back. No one ever said it would be easy, but when all is said and done, you will be stronger for it, and healthier.
Feel your feelings, it is okay to be angry, then follow through with what you want to do. You said your children are safe, so take care of you and the things you have to do. All of you will be better for it in time. Be patient with yourself.
