The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Lately it seems like no matter what kind of mood I am in when I go to a face to face meeting I come out feeling really crappy. I am no longer able to talk in the meetings and by the end I am sooo ready to high tail it out of there. After the meetings I am usually light headed and woozy. This week I started shaking, I haven’t had body tremors since I was dealing with my abuse in counseling 10 years ago. It used to be, in f2f meetings, that I would feel really bad when issues are coming up… but this feeling is different. I just turn from happy to very depressed.
I’m so confused as to what is going on with me. I am ready to stop going to the f2f meetings and I know I shouldn’t do that!
Has anyone else had these kinds of problems? What did you do to get through it? I could use all the ESH anyone has to offer.
Are they being unkind to you in the F2F meeting? Are they discussing things that is resurrecting old feelings or memories that you'd rather not deal with?
I found when I was breaking through the denial, it hurt real bad. Spent a lot of meetings crying, but the members in my F2F were so kind. They hugged me or let me cry. They offered tissues.
Let us know how you are making out. Just keep coming back.
yours in recovery,
Maria123
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If I am not for me, who will be? If I am only for myself, then who am I? If not now, when?
Hhhmm, I can't say that I've ever experienced what you're describing, however there were times when I felt I couldn't wait for a meeting to be over. It was usually during those times when I wasn't working my program and I almost felt guilty about it at the meetings. I knew what I had to do in order to feel better yet I didn't have the umph at the time to act on it. Could that be part of the problem do you think?
Do you feel like you're at a stand still in your recovery? That you're not progressing as fast as you'd like to be?
Do you feel that you're working hard on your program yet your A isn't and that you're sort of spinning your wheels? Like....why do *I* have to put all this effort in when I don't even have a drinking problem?
I'm just trying to throw ideas out there at ya to see if anything fits. Do you have a sponsor? If so maybe talking to her would help. Perhaps trying a different meeting, different faces etc might help also. I definately wouldn't give up on going to the meetings alltogether. I would try to figure out what the problem is and then find the solution. Let us know how it goes.
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Kathy S --
~*I trust my Higher Power that I am exactly where I am supposed to be in my life today.*~
So sorry you are having trouble. My current groups fill me with love and recharge me for the week. Last year though I had lots of trouble. I froze up and could not get out of the car and go in. I was so stuck. So I told someone that I trusted that I was afraid and freaking out inside and I did not know what to do. Well she took me by the hand and insisted we go inside to the meeting. So she led me in with my eyes closed and I sat there the whole time and hid. But I did listen and what I heard was gentle loving voices. I just could not open my eyes and be in the room with them. I was afraid. And this is a safe group with some very loving and mature al-Anoners. Well they loved me anyway as I worked through my problem. I still don't know why I was so afraid. I think when I told someone about my fear and shared my burden that it helped me so much. It recently happened again 2 weeks ago but it was cause I was desperate to be loved and I would not reach out and ask for what I needed...I was in this horrible place and would not ask for help. I want love more than breath but intimacy is the hardest thing in the world for someone like me. Once upon a time I would do anything for you just so you would like me and love me. I was battered, tampled, wounded and desperate. Thank goodness those days are gone.
So sorry I can't fix you Linda but if you want to come to Atlanta, I'd be delighted to take you by the hand and lead you into a group of the most loving people I have ever met.
sooner :)
Oh, I just remembered what triggered the freak out. I was having a body memory of a childhood beating and I locked up. Thats what caused my problem with the group.
Breaking through another level of denial does that to me too. I went to my meeting-before-last feeling kind of up & chipper, and came out feeling lower than an angleworm's tummy. The shift was due to literature read in the meeting. I tend to think that if there is no current crisis, all is well. What brought me up short was the passage about the alcoholic not being concerned about the finances, the children, their job, or their health. That was a good reality check for me, & I realized that just because there is no current crisis, all is not necessarily well. <sigh>
Did something similar happen at your meeting? Or was it a personality thing? If there is any way you can keep going....
