The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
As most of you know, my husband (dadrrb) passed away yesterday. The wonderful words of sympathy and encouragement touched me so much that I shared them with our 14 year old daughter. She's asked me questions about the conversations going one in our room. Did Daddy talk about me? What did he say? Was it good stuff or bad?
I was wondering if there are any of you that would be willing to share with her the things that you might have heard her father say about his love for this little girl. Right now I think it would be nice for her to see that he was proud of her. If this is breaking anonymity I apoligize. I don't want anyone to share anything you're uncomfortable with but I really think this is something that will be of comfort to her right now.
Again, thank you all for your kind words, thoughts, and prayers. This group of people is one of a kind and a blessing in this tough time.
(((((((((txmom & daughter))))))))))))) yes, your father did speak to me of you on many occasions.... YOU and your mom are what kept him going... in his words if i can remember exactly "they're the reason i'm here." He loved you beyond words, he spoke of wanting to protect you from a life of pain, wanting to sheild you from bad choices. He never spoke poorly of you, not at all. I could tell from his words how truely deep his love for you ran. I know that no person and no words will replace him, not for any of us for that matter. Your dad stands alone and has a special spot that he will keep in all of our hearts. Some things even death can not take away. I hope that some comfort can be brought to you with the knowledge that he is not hurting anymore. Where he is, there is only love, no pain, no suffering, no diseases or even hurt feelings; just love. I hope that you can get into alan-teen my dear. Healing starts the minuite you begin the process of it.
my deepest sorrow for your loss and lots and lots of love for you,
He just made sure that we knew how very important you both were to him. YOU were his life! YOU made him want to be a better person and to do good things for you. NOt exactly his words but how I interpreted them. I just knew how important both of you were to him and how he always was wanting to do just the right thing to make you both happy. I Knew he was also very proud of both of you too :) I will miss him so much. My 21 year old daughter is the alcoholic in my life and he sure helped me alot to cope with all the pain and crisis in my life. I knew he was online at night when you all may have wanted him too and I thank you for giving him to us too so that he could touch our hearts in the way he did. It takes a special person for us to be able to talk to and trust. He always made me feel good and made me know that he really cared. He was a true blessing to the AA/Alanon Organizations and I for one appreciate all he has done here at MIP to help so many people who were hurting by the disease of alcoholism/drug abuse. What a big/huge heart he had. We would talk too about what he was eating,,,,,and his sugar level. He is like me in that we would chat and then get hungry and go for our late night snacks. LOL. WE shared about healthy food too for diabetics too. WE had alot of laughter too :) Thanks again for sharing dad with all of us so that he was able to touch our lives and make our journey with alcoholism/drug addiction much better for us. cdb (will remember dad forever)
I can't recall anything specific but I do remember many general comments about his love for you and how wonderful txmom is and has been through all his trials.
I always thought to myself, "what a wonderful guy". It seems no matter what his health issues were or how bad he felt, he came to the chatroom with his wonderful humor. I only wish I would have told him how much I appreciated that quality.
To be able to be happy in the midst of feeling really bad is a true gift, let alone go on to lift others spirits. Even when he did have a bad day (and everybody does),, the next day it was over. It takes a special person to keep that attitude, stay off the pity pot and forge forward. I know there were days when he felt ill, he might mention it, but that was it. He wouldn't give in to it. He just moved on and continued to make us laugh.
I saw dad as a man that didn't give up on himself or his friends. I pray you keep that part of him with you always and apply it to your life as well :)
Christy (Cjo)
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
You and your daughter have my sympathies. I only knew dadrrb for a short time. But even through all this troubles, I know that he loved his family beyond words. I will always remember him as funny, caring dadrrb. Best wishes to you and your family, SenoraBob
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Higher Power doesn't always wrap presents in pretty paper.
To Txmom and daughter dadrrb...hugs and warmth to you. I was very saddened to hear of your loss.
I had a conversation with dad in which I explained that sooner is a male and that I am a dad and that being a dad is what I do. He enthusiactically affirmed me and said "me too". He made it clear that being a dad was very important to him as well. His comments that day conveyed the love and importance he felt for his daughter. Perhaps that is why he chose the screen name he did for himself....dadrrb.
I remember one night he told us you were having a sleepover andhe could hear you girls giggling. And he told us how much he loved you and how proud he was of the young woman you were becoming. He always spoke lovingly of you and that you meant the whole world to him, both of you. He wanted to be a better father to you and hoped that he could impart good things into your life and protect you from the bad stuff. My deepest sympathy to you both. I didn't get to know him long ,but he made a deep impression on me cause I saw how everyone welcomed him into the room and (((((Hugged ))))))) him and he was always making jokes and making everyone laugh a lot! I always have a soft spot for anyone in TX cause that's where I live too. And we texans just love other texans ! When I talked about chasing the 'Blue bell' man texans know what I meant. Others don't know it's just a brand of ice cream. He would've given you the world if he could've dadrrb's daughter! I know it's hard, but love the memories you have and you'll see him again someday! I wish I could've known the love from my dad that you had from yours. Mine left when I was about 7yrs and I don't remember much. Mine died when I was 31 from alcohol poisoning in california, but we didn't find out for 7 months afterward, so he was alone. It was like a stranger dying to me. I just cried for knowing there would never be a chance to know him. I cry because I feel like I knew dadrrb. And we'll all sure miss him and his sense of humor and his compassion. We're all sending lots of love and prayers your way and hope you'll come and join us again soon.
I have only been coming into this chat room for a few months.
During the summer vacation, Dad shared that he was taking his daughter to a "fish club", whatever that meant! Next time I saw him I asked what it was - he said it meant fishing for friends. He spoke lovingly about you both, being new, I did not realise Txmom was also a member.
He shared about his pride in his daughter, and how he wanted to be the best father he could.
My deepest sympathies to you both in this time of sadness. I had the pleasure of speaking to Dad on a few occasions. He often talked of his family and how much he enjoyed being with his daughter. We compared preteen stories as I have a daughter who is a year younger than yours. We had a long talk over how protective is protective and I remember we both wished that we could shelter them from the kinds of pain they experienced in the past and would in the future. We both agreed that we could not protect our children - all we could do is love them enough to make their own mistakes. Bless you both.
Karen
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Nobody cares how much you know until they know how much you care. Love you all!
Karen
(((((((((Txmom and Daughter)))))))) The times I talked with your father he spoke so highly of both of you and his hope to get well for you and your mom!!!
Your daddy and husband loved you both so very much!!!!
Hang in there and just for today think and feel the love that all of us here on MIP is sending your way!!!!
Love you both maybe some day we will have the chance to meet at a conference in waco or houston or maybe even dallas so i can give you a real hug!!! My sympathies is with you!!!
MY heart goes out to the both of you. I too lost my 1st husband, almost 5 years ago. Our daughter was 5 at the time. She was his truest love as I am sure you were your dads. They dont call you daddy's little girls for nothing. I wanted to tell you what happened after Chuck died ...it still makes me cry and believe there is a God. Heck ....I'm cryin' now....well here goes. Two days after he died our daughter was sitting at the computer....playing games. I walked into to room...to sort of check on her. She just turned and looked at me and asked " Why did my Daddy have to die". I knelt down next to her and tried to tell her that it was not what he had planned, but that he had been sick for a very long time and that the doctors had tried to save him, but his heart was too sick and could not work any longer. Keep in mind ...she was just 5 so I tried to keep it kind of simple. Then I began to cry. I leaned forward to give her a hug and tell her it was going to be ok. But before I could say it she said " It's ok Mommy, Daddy is here with us". I pulled back from her a little, as to look into her eyes. I said "I know he is". Then with out a blink she raised her head and seemed to look behind me and said " He is standing right behind you with his arms around you". Well at that point I totally lost it. She gave me a hug and turned back to she game as if the most natural thing in the world had just happened. Like she was totally reasured that everything was ok. That she knew he would always be there for her. And you know what......he has been. Small miracles have happened since the day he died. A cactus that I have,
that had not bloomed in years ...bloomed the day he died....and has not bloomed since. And then there were the feathers.....everywhere I went feathers would just seem to show up.....sometimes little ones....sometimes great big white ones.....seemingly out of no where. In the middle of a treeless parking lot, with no birds flying around, a feather fell right in front of my face....I sat in my car one day...feeling sorry for myself... the window was open just an inch or two....a feather floats in the window and onto my lap. (the same thing with the feathers has happened to other people I know.....some told me they never told anyone about it so people would not think they were crazy...lol)A light in the kitchen stopped working (It was not the bulb) the day he died.....months later....when I was discussing (with our daughter) how we could help the people who had lost everything to the flooding caused by Allison, I suggested that we donate daddy's clothes....damn if that light didn't come on. It has remained tempermental...but if I really want it to work, I just ask "Chuck, would you please help me with this" .......It almost always come on....lol. When our daughter lost her 1st tooth she decided that her dad needed a job in heaven and should be the tooth fairy....try to picture a 350 pound man tiptoeing thru your house in a pink tutu....a long braid and a goatee.....lol. So... he is still visiting us and making sure we are ok. It is very comforting....So look for the little miracles. They are all around you and all you have to do is look for them.
