The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I looked up the word "humble" today, because I've become aware over the past few days it is something I feel I have been lacking a bit in. This is what I found:
1 : not proud or haughty : not arrogant or assertive 2 : reflecting, expressing, or offered in a spirit of deference or submission
Sometimes, because I feel like I have learned so much through working this program over the past couple of years, I feel inclined to share what I know with everyone else in my life. I know it's okay to share. But what's that they say about "say it once, you're sharing your opinion .. say it twice and you're asserting your will?" Yeah, that applies to me...lol.
Step 1...I am powerless over other people, places and things. People can have struggles in their lives, and I can let them have their own struggles. If they ask for my opinion I can share my ESH, and I can admit I don't know when I just don't know.
When I get overly involved in other people's issues it takes me away from my own, and today I can feel that when it happens. I think one of my assets is that I am a caring person. But, one of my defects is that I can take that too far and go overboard trying to help when it is not warranted or asked for. This program has taught me how to balance a lot of these extremes, and I can more often put the focus where it needs to be nowadays. But sometimes I don't, and I start feeling like I am today.
A few of my friends are going through some rough times. Two of them are getting divorced. I am happily married and have never been through a divorce. But a lot of times it's all about the feelings, not necessarily the experience, and I sense in talking to them that we've been through or are going through some of the same feelings with these thigns. So...I identify and get overinvolved. And then, like today, I have to reel myself in. Because in the end it is not my problem, it is not my experience, and it is not mine to push my way through. I want peace and happiness for them, but I can't hand it to them on a platter. I have to work for mine, and they will work and find theirs. Their HPs are helping them with that right now...if I would get out of the way and mind my own business!! Sheesh.
There's a wonderful story regarding part of Tradition 11, "Our public relations policy is based on attraction rather than promotion." Someone in my group shared "Is my recovery attractive to others?" If I am the only contact one has with an Al Anon person, am I one whose recovery is attractive?
The story goes something like this. There was a man walking down the road pulling a chain. People were puzzled by this. Some began to follow him to see where he was going and what he was doing. Some children fell in line as they were intrigued. Before you know it, he had a small following. Down the road further, another man asked the man pulling the chain along "Why are you pulling that chain?" The man replied, "Have you ever tried to push a chain?"
I love the analogy. We cannot push a chain. Nor can we push someone to make a decision. It's as fruitless as pushing a chain.
yours in recovery,
Maria123
__________________
If I am not for me, who will be? If I am only for myself, then who am I? If not now, when?
Great post, it is so tempting to try to help folks too much. Great job of recognizing and trying to "reel" it in. Love the say it once, say it twice thing.
Also love the chain dragging story Maria. Really illustrates attraction rather than promotion beautifully!!
