The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Last week was a good week. After his last high (Friday a week ago), I tried to stay very calm. I cried, he cried. But I told him how I felt and what I wanted from our relationship. I told him I am not calling it quits, but there will come a time if things continue the way they are that I will have to let him go. I told him I didn't feel like I would be a responsible adult/mother to my kids if I continued to put him and his disease first.
So last week, I visited this site almost everyday and if I didn't post I at least read. I ordered an AL-Anon twelve step book. I tried to be happy with whatever he gave me. Well he gave me one sober week.
We spent 8 hours apart on Saturday--the first time in I don't know how long. I did not stay sick the whole time. I did what I needed to do and let him go do what he wanted to do without tagging along. He stayed sober. I was so proud of him, but I was proud of me too--for not making myself sick the whole time with worry (granted there was a little worrying the last 2 hours, but I made it through and I didn't give him the 3rd degree when he got home).
Now I am afraid what this week will bring. IT was such a great week and he seemed to think so clearly. I am scared how I will handle a fall. I am afraid that after such a good week, my expectations are too high.
I will try to take it one day at a time. REad in my book, work the steps in the book, keep coming back to the site and try to take care of me. I just hope I can remember!!
Try not to look so far ahead this week. Take it one day at a time, or one moment at a time. Sometimes when we project we can make matters worse. Remember: baby steps.
I'm glad you had a good week. Hang in there. You're doing just fine.
Live strong, Karilynn
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
i feel the same as you do. i start every week off wondering if he will fall off the wagon. "he has too, this week was too good to be true" so basically i sit around and wait for him to fail. what i've noticed is why am i wasting so much time waiting for him to fail. i should be thankful he is sober now and enjoy this time together now. you never know what the next day or next moment for that matter, will bring. living with an a everything changes from moment to moment. so live moment for moment and if he does fail again, thats his problem, thats his choice. but at least you can say to yourself yah we had a really wonderful week together and you can see the potential of what your a is capable of doing or becoming. it's only a matter of time. i find if i sit and nag him about my worries it brings much more stress. he is more likely to fail if i am showing i dont have faith in him and am not on his side. they need our encouragement and love to succeed. they need to be noticed when they have done something good. worrying has never solved anything in my life and i doubt it has in yours either. putting the focus on yourself and making yourself happy will help you through. keep yourself busy. you have to love yourself first in order to love someone else to the full extent that you can. if your not happy the people around you wont be. the energy you give off will go to those around you, it is a vicious cycle having negative energy bouncing back and forth between people. so break the cycle. send out those happy feelings. start a new kind of energy to bounce around.
best of luck to you tc
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stay in the now...dont look forward, dont look back....your life is what you make of it
Thank you! You are so right. When I got home yesterday--he was home and sober. I asked him how he was, he replied fine. Then he asked me how I was then he answered his own question by saying you're better now that you see I'm home and fine aren't you?! I felt guilty, because it was true. I shouldn't do that to him--I should be thankful for the good time the sober moments, I'm afraid if I "pressure" him those might get to be fewer and farther between. So thank you for saying I need to be thankful for the good times and keep those in my head!
