The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My husband was awake of course this morning when I knocked on the locked bedroom door. He screamed YEAH!!! WHAT THE F??? HOLD ON!!! Not a good start but I didn't reply. I just wanted to get my toothbrush. Anyway, he opened the door and told me that I needed to take him to work because the car is wrecked. OhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhKkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkay and I am standing there like "Are you going to explain what happened?" But basically he doesn't know except that he hit something and he parked the car nearby and walked home. So I drove him to the car and all that was wrong was that it has a flat tire. But in his mind he was upside down and floating. Whatever!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I took him to work and he is complaining about how all the other guys just don't do what he says and how "spun out " (high on speed) they all are and they just take off on him and he doesn't know where they are and they all try to run the job when he is in charge and BLAH BLAH BLAH and I'm just sitting there thinking this is such bs and that they are all crazy and why am i even stressing about this, it is not my frigging problem and i just had enough of his lame yammering and said
"You are just going to have to die to hit your bottom, because even through all of this crap, you are just like "oh well my car isn't wrecked so i can just keep on going and getting high. Going to prison, losing my job, losing my family, losing my car, losing my freedom, NONE OF IT HAS STOPPED YOU so i guess only death will. " I am so convinced this is the case. The rest of his family is either dead or dying from drugs and alcoholism and he seems to be the same. But whether this is the case or not it is not in my control and I have NO CONTROL OVER THIS I HAVE NO CONTROL I HAVE NO CONTROL I HAVE NO CONTROL OVER THIS. tHAT IS MY MANTRA FOR TODAY
I HAVE NO CONTROL OVER THIS , I have to let it go. Just like I should never have said what i did to him because it does not serve any purpose and it will not change a thing. So why did I? I'm overwhelmed, that is all I can say. With the what should I DO about this when I HAVE NO CONTROL. Very conflicting isn't it? That is almost completely hysterically funny, but not right now..
Thanks for reading, sorry so long, needed to get it out
You're right, no point in saying it to him, come here and say it to us instead. Sometimes you just need to get this stuff OUT, though, don't you?
It's amazing - my husband has had so many jobs, so many co workers, and on EVERY JOB, the place has been full of jerks and a-holes. What a run of bad luck, huh? (The sad thing is, even now, after his two years in the program, if I point this out to him, gently, he just looks at me - "What are you talking about?")
Vent away! Sometimes we just need to get it all out after spending so much time talking to them, which serves as much purpose as talking to a brick wall. At least when we put it here, we know someone is actually listening.
That is almost completely hysterically funny, but not right now..