The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
This is my very first post and I am grateful to say that reading all of yours have brought me to it. I have started my detachement for my A's problem. He once again came home intoxicated. I set the boundaries. No drinking in my home, no coming home after drinking and no speaking to me in an inappropriate way regardless if the kids are there or not. He chose to test those boundaries on Sunday as he strolled in at 1:00 am. He couldn't open the door so instead of going down and letting him in, I went down to the door, asked for my house key, my car key and took them, shut the door and locked it. I then reopened the door and asked for his keys for fear he would drive and hurt someone. He actually gave them to me without a word. I have not given him the house keys back however he is in the house and I don't think he will be testing the boundaries again (well not in the next day or so anyway). However, I plan to take control of my life and let him be in control of his own. I have been reading these posts and it gave me the strength to understand and remember that I too am not alone. Thank you to all you are an inspiration.
Sounds like you have made a good start. Just be careful that you don't ask for what you don't want, as a way of controlling him. What I mean by that is - if you say "Don't come back here after you have been drinking", understand that this means he will maybe stay out all night after drinking. It is not likely to mean that he will not drink. If you can keep your motives clear (hard for me, I found that manipulation had become second nature to me) and the focus on you, things really will get better. Welcome.
Sounds like you are off to a great start - kudos to you!! How are you doing with getting back into YOUR recovery now.... is Al-Anon meetings possible for you??
One of my favourite lines - "he is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
Hope you keep posting and sharing here....
Tom
__________________
"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
Good job! I too heard detachment first thing when I walk into my first face to face meeting 3 years ago. It is a very valuable tool. I hope you will also get to a ftf meeting soon. Try several different ones, if you haven't already as they all are unique in their own way.
This is great place to be with many caring people who can share their own experience, strength and hope. Keep coming back :) You're not alone.
Hi and welcome. Great start. I was waiting for you to say he starting bashing on the door and screaming. You retained your composure and the message got through. Luv Leo x
