The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I'll make this brief--Hi, my name (here) is Whisperine. I'm a college grad who's moved out of her family home, but not out of her family dysfunction. My parents split unexpectedly after 27 years of marriage last year. At first it was a "trial seperation," then it became permanent, and now I've been led to believe that a divorce is pending.
Part of the reason they split is because my father started drinking and smoking pot for the second time in his life (he never did it during my childhood.) He is now attending AA meetings round the clock, hoping to self-cure himself. He's made strides toward a recovery, but he has serious lapses. He wants my mother to come back, and she's made it clear that her life is better without him. I agree, even though I love both of them. They definitely do not make a healthy couple anymore.
It seems like every time things quiet down, or I start to feel more confident and happy in my own life, my dad has another relapse. I don't know if he officially falls off the wagon, but he becomes a sort of Mr. Hyde and attacks my mother via horrible emails or confronting her at her home. He vents all his rage and fear on her, and then is extremely contrite when he gets over it. This seems to be an endless pattern that I keep thinking is "over," only to have it happen again just as things seem calmer.
To say "I hate it" is a gross understatement. My dad used to be someone who was my rock, someone I could always go to if I needed help or support. Now I feel as though when he relapses, he's not my dad anymore.
So I'm off to my first Al-Anon meeting tonight. I don't think it's a Beginners meeting, but I intend to share my story anyway, as it can't possibly hurt. Do you have any advice for a newcomer to this particular event? Anything I should/shouldn't do while I'm there?
This seems like a great place to come for help. Thank you for any tips you can share!
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And love is a thing that can never go wrong/And I am Marie of Romania--Dorothy Parker
Best advice I can give, is just go to the meeting, sit and listen, share if you want to. There is no magic to walking in the door you just have to choose to go. :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
I am so happy that you will be attending your first meeting this evening. You will find HELP and HOPE.
I would like to build on Pushka's suggestions and add that: after you claim your seat, pick up a Beginner Package and a Just for Today book mark (if they have the one). Listen with an open mind and relax. You are no longer alone.
How wonderful you're getting yourself to a meeting. :)
As was mentioned, listen, share or don't share. It's all up to you. If I had anything to recommend beyond that, it would be to pick up a meeting schedule and a newcomer's packet (if they have one available). Get your hands on the free pamphlets. Then get to at least six meetings as close together as possible before you determine whether Al-Anon is for you.
If it turns out that the meeting for you, there are other options as far as f2f meetings you just have to find what works for you. :) So excited for you that you are going!! :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Aloha Whisperine...welcome to the board and have a good meeting. "Claim your seat" is a good suggestion and then hold on to it because you'll want to go back. The promise mentioned at the end of the meeting "If you keep and open mine - you will find help" was the first biggie for me...Listen open mindedly and keep my inner voices still. You don't have to capture it all in one night because where you're at didn't happen over night; it took time, lots of it. So leave all the chaos at the door when you go in and pick it up again when you leave and then come back here and then go back there and repeat and practice, practice, practice. Let us know how it goes. (((hugs)))
Additionally Al-Anon members don't give advice; we share experiences that worked for us and also those that didn't.
-- Edited by Jerry F on Thursday 30th of June 2011 08:21:58 PM
