Hello all. My husband was admitted to a 28 day program today for alcohol and pain pill abuse. It's been a sudden development that I'm still wrapping my head around and I feel like it will help to get it all out. Forgive my emotions, they're all over the map right now. A little background first- He and I have been together 16 years. Highschool sweethearts who married almost 11 yrs ago. We have a wonderful 5yo daughter together. Despite his addictions (alcohol and pain pills), he's my best friendand the love of my life. I'll do anything to help his recovery. His parents were hard alcoholics. His mom also abused pain and sleeping pills all his life. Both did rehab/jail several times. Before them, I'd never known an addict. We married young and partied a lot in our early 20's. No drugs, just drinking on weekends and the occasional beer or two during the evening during the week. Once we decided to start a family, we bought a house and settled down. Not to say we never drank, but it was occasionally at best. When our daughter was a baby, it was tough. She was sick a lot, very colicky and just a hard baby overall. Also, my mom and brother moved in w/ us when she was 6wks old because they had nowhere to go. It was stressful that year to say the least. When she was 2, his pain started. He has a physically demanding job, so we thought that caused it. A trip to the doc returned nothing major. They gave him an rx for strong ibuprophen and sent him home. Soon after, I had hand surgery and was given lortabs. I took 5 of the 20 in the bottle. I found the empty bottle in our garage a week after I'd taken one last. I lost it and he admitted to taking them. He'd also been getting them from a friend at work. We talked it out, he promised no more. After that, his drinking increased to a couple of beers every night and hard liquor most weekends. We talked about that too and he said no more. In the last 3 years we've had about 3 major blowups over him either taking pills behind my back or me finding empty beer cans when he said he'd quit drinking. The last major one was about 10 mos ago and his family was involve in a sort of semi-intervention. His dad has been sober for almost 10 yrs, his siblings aren't addicts and his mom still goes on the occasional bender. We all asked him to try some meetings, but he never did. Sine then, I've known him to have a beer or 2 on 3 occasions, and was not aware of any pills. He'd gone to a specialist and been diagnosed with fibromyalgia and they were giving him non narcotic pain meds since we went together to the initial appt and told them about his past issues. In the past 3 mos he's complained more and more about the pain. He's got terrible insomnia and always seems exhausted. He's been moody, impatient and irritable when normally he's happy, funny and loving. He takes adderall for ADD which he's had since a child and I noticed he'd started taking 3/day instead of 2. I talked to him about it and tried to get him to open up but all he'd say was that the doc ok'd it as long as it wasn't everyday. Fast forward to yesterday-his sister called me. He worked for his family business and had been turning in tickets on work he'd never done. This has been going on for months. They told him last week if it happened again he'd be sent home a week w/o pay. Well, it happened again. I had NO idea his work was like this. He's not very close to his siblings even though they work together so they never calle about it before now. Once they got him home they search his work truck and found several empty pill bottles and small empty wine bottles. I came home and we talked and his parents had come by and talked to him. His dad encouraged rehab because detox with ongoing treatment and meetings was all that worked for him and he's never relapsed. We agreed this was best and his sister said he needed to do it or they wouldnt be able to keep him in a job due to the liability. It just took me off guard. With how he's been acting, I guess I should've known. I thought it was the pain making him feel like that. I've been begging him to see his doc, but he wouldn't go. He's tried antidepressants before because he carried so much guilt, shame, remorse and anxiety from the past times he'd been caught and said they never worked for him. It was hard for him to admit he's an addict because he doesn't get completely drunk, he just has enough to take the edge off. He doesn't eat handfuls of pills daily, hes taken maybe 6 10mg lortabs on his worst day and zero on his best. He's gone days, weeks without either substance and other than being a grump, was ok. He says he doesn't constantly feel the need to drink or medicate. He's a terrible liar and for the most part, I believe what he said. I told him that to me, the addiction was more evident when he was sober for a period of time because that's when he slowly changes as he's gone without getting angrier, sleepier, less patient, more withdrawn, etc... Now I'm sitting here alone having found all of this out and dropped him off at rehab where they're talking strip searches and detox, all in the last 36 hrs. My mom has our daughter tonight because I'm just a wreck. My hearts in pieces worried about how hard this will be on HIM more than I am for me. I know I tended to run myself ragged to do all the hard or unsavory parts of parenting or marriage so he didn't have to for years. It was how I coped. I thought that protecting him or allowing him to rest would prevent a binge. I do try to take care of me by taking time to go to the gym, going out with friends etc, but above all I usually want to be with my family because I love and enjoy them. Now that person within me cant stand that this is going to hurt him and I can't be there to help. We don't want to tell our daughter. She's never seen him drunk and we haven't discussed it or argued in front of her. I travel for work time to time so we've told her that's where he was going today. God willing this will be the only time and she'll be young enough to not remember. He's never hurt her or neglected her even if he was tired or moody around me, so as far as she knows nothing is wrong. He said yesterday that it was his rock bottom. He internalized a lot so there's most likely more to this than I know right now. I will take your advice. I pray that he learns to communicate his feelings there. I communicate information for a living, so I've tried all I know to help him open up. He's often said he wished he could articulate how he felt, but when he starts, the emotion takes over and the thoughts escape him usually just leaving him forgetting his thought and frustrated or angry. I just miss him. The real him. I've loved him whole heartedly since I met him. Sure, I've been angry, sad, frustrated, disappointed, etc in the past with all this but the last time it happened, I took our daughter and left for the night because I'd found 2 empties in his truck that day and I knew he drank them then drove to daycare, picked her up and drove her home. I just needed space and came back the next day. I told him when I returned that I loved him, and I wanted to listen/help anyway I could but that I couldn't let our daughter grow up like he did and I couldn't risk him drinking then driving her around, ever. 2 beers and one mile traveled or not-it's still drinking and driving. I prayed for grace to give him and I gave it. I promised I wouldn't yell or fight anymore if he'd just be honest when he either craved it or when he gave in and did it. The honesty lasted long enough for me to trust him some which is why this blindsided me. Now I worry that he won't be honest in rehab or that he won't be when he gets out. This is the hardest experience I've been through other than losing my father. I feel blessed that he's there and he's safe and that it was family that caught him instead of the law or someone getting hurt. I believe in God as my higher power and believe He can heal all. Just praying for peace, healing and restoration for all of us right now. I appreciate your listening and support!