Forgiveness is another word for letting go.
--Matthew Fox

Learning forgiveness - both granting it to others and accepting it for ourselves - is one of the primary means of a man's spiritual recovery. Many of us, after entering this program, are plagued with strong feelings of guilt. We have finally become accountable, and we see our lives in a new perspective. We long for a chance to undo our mistakes. Many men carry guilt for years as if they deserved to be punished. Our recovery program tells us to let go.

######ROSIE….oooh forgiveness was a trigger word for me , and that is from the OLD church doctrine, that i had to forgive/ forget/ and  like **give em a hug and say oh its ok what you did to me, and you can stay in my life to hurt me again**......that is what i used to think.......now i don't however the word **forgive* still sticks in my throad a teeny bit still, now, but I have worked around it by saying  **letting go  detaching from the person who harmed me**….moving on with my life….either I forgive (detach)  with boundaries and keep the person….or I  **cut them loose to their God*  as I walk away……I had a lot of guilt over stuff that was done to me, somehow I felt the blame, but no more….it was my abuser’s inventory, not mine…I am only responsible for the wrongs I do……I made amends and make amends now for my mistakes…. A lot of **forgiveness* work,  was about  me forgiving me….as a survivor of incest,  I became a self abuser…I picked up the baton after I got away from my perp….i cursed me/ I beat me/ I cursed and hated God/ Life for my sorry situation……working this program has freed me of the  hate/resentment….i have trust in God that he  **took care of him for me* when he died!!! I had to do a lot of  **making amends*  to me/ to God/ to my inner child for the self hate and self abuse I did to me……I came to the point where I could   **detach----get on with my life---take my hands off him and the hate and resentment and allow God’s hands on*  and I was able to  **cut him loose*  from my head!!!   I now want to fill my heart up with love for me/ for God/ for Life….so there is no more room for the hate/resentment…….for me I learned that forgiveness is not saying  “oh it wasn’t so bad”   or  “its ok”   or having that person ever in my life/ heart/ thoughts…..it is  giving them over to their God as I walk away…….but FIRST I had to work through my INTENSE emotional   outrage and grief….up until than, I had to discharge all the negative emotions I never got to release!!!!!  It was like peeling my entire body of infected skin, right down to the muscle so I could  **grow back*  healthy new/ pink skin….to say it was painful???? Was an understatement!!!!  But the good news,  I finally  got over the **hump of hate/resentment*….my emotions are still thawing,  but now I can use a  bounty paper towel instead of a bilge pump to clean up the aftermath!!!! 

Simply going through the motions of forgiving or accepting forgiveness will not get us very far. We must squarely face our feelings and tell someone so we are no longer alone with our guilt. Then, if there is the possibility for repair without further hurt, we must make repair. In this concrete way we can be genuinely forgiven and fully accept forgiveness. When a man has a spiritual experience like this, he matures and gains the ability to forgive others.I am grateful for the relief of being forgiven and letting go of past mistakes. I will genuinely let go of my guilt and resentment.

######ROSIE….nope that is not gonna work…my inner new I was **doing a con job on me*….i had to go through the **enormous*   outrage and grief over my shattered life!!!!! It had to be done…step by step….injury by injury …peeling the layers  off me……facing and being **honest* about my feelings…realizing that is was  **ok* to be that upset!!!  But understanding that I must focus on the solution, not just the problem…….i told everyone on the groups/ meetings/ sponser/ close loved ones….i let it **all hang out*…..shining the light on that darkness by sharing …I know I sounded like a broken record, but I had to do it!!! On my time table….on my terms!!!!  I knew I was not alone/ I received compassion from my fellow group mates…and even some surprise **cheerleaders* in my family…….i had to make amends/ repairs to me….i had to **walk it through*………now?????  Unless it is in the course of my recovery,  I hardly think of the perp….i want to think of me/ my lofe for me/ my relationship with me/ my God….there is no room for him!!!!!   Thank you God!!!!!!   DONE