The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today was Ok. Went to therapy again.....seems that the days that I don't want to go, I force myself and feel better for it afterward. Therapy is for me...I have to keep telling myself that. My A had said that he wanted to get together for dinner tonight which didn't pan out b/c he was working and then outpaitent, then a meeting. Said he would come by afterward. He called and was already outside his house and clearly wasn't coming by. I wasn't waiting on him, it's just the fact that he doesn't keep his word. So, I told him when he asked what was wrong. I said" I don't mind that your not coming, but say what you mean and mean what you say.Broken promises and disappointments no matter how big or small are what this marriage has been made of...it makes me feel as if I can't count on you which in turn makes me continue to not trust." In the middle of the conversation he pulled in the driveway. We spoke a little and he said he understood what I was saying. Being honest feels good, espeically without the arguments. He said that he has set a goal for himself of 90 in 90..a month after his second binge and after signing up for outpatient. However he came to it, I'm glad he came to it on his own. Actions and time will tell. In the meantime I need to keep the focus on me. Not his recovery. But mine. I am powerless over this disease. I have the power to decide how I let it affect my life.
That is really great you were able to have a clear & calm discussion. You sound really focused on you & it gives me hope & strength for myself... and also that your A listened & sd he understood... I'm having a pretty hard time with the A in my life (my step-father), communication is relatively unrewarding... I guess we are all just still too raw.
Thanks for sharing, it's amazing how hope breeds hope
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Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
I can relate to your story. It is as though you are telling my story of what I go thru with my A. Unfortunately, he doesn't see it, because things come up and he needs to take care of them. He often turns it on me and calls me selfish for making a point of this. That drives me crazy! As you said, I'm fine with not seeing him, it's the broken promises that get to me. Grrr...
I'm slowly learning to turn the focus back on myself tho, and take responsiblity for my feelings, etc. Luckily we only have to do this one day at a time :)
