The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Okay, first I know I am responsible for me. When I asked my A to leave Saturday, he did, more quietly that I expected. As he started to pack I decided I had to leave, it just was painful. I know I did the right thing for my emotional state. As of yesterday morning his family didn't know where he is. In the past, he would call his parents and show up there. What weighs heavy on my mind is that his friend, that his father passed away a couple months ago, well the father's house is now being occupied by the youngest son who is very heavily into crack. I can't imagine my A having any other place to go but there if he is not at his parents.
I have been strong and not called his cell phone. I am proud of that, I can not cure his disease. He bowls on league and called one of his team members and said that he is working nights again this week and will need a substitute for his space. I guess what concerns me is that he will take up another addiction. His family, my family, friends, are all telling me to take a deep breath and work on me.
I keep thinking last year when we were separated because of me going to jail, he spent three weeks drunk and high. I want my HP to surround me and give me peace. When at home I am okay, busy with the house and kids, work will be better tomorrow when there is actually a counselor and clients in, today I am by myself until 4:30pm, I will get busy with something, maybe vacuum or something.
I feel somewhat better just writing all this down.
Good for you for not calling his cell. That would undermind you asking him to leave but I do understand your worry. Alcohol alone is hard enough to deal with without add something new. I guess it's times like this we need to take the day a moment at a time. It sounds like you have a good support system in your family and friends and that sure helps. I will cross my fingers and say a prayer for all of you.
As tough as it is Mary, your family and friends are right..... Now is the time to work on you...
He might go to the crack house, and die tomorrow... Or, he might have now hit his rock bottom, and choose recovery.... Either way, the three C's are firmly in place, and you are NOT responsible for what he next chooses to do....
I hate this disease, and hate hearing the pain you are going through, but the reality is that you cannot 'save' him from himself. That is the very nature of step one - we are NOT in control of them, in any way, shape, or form.
Take care of you.
Tom
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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
Mary- You will be ok. It is great that you come to the board and discuss your fears and anxieties. we have all been there/r there. Give it Time. this did not happen overnight. Don't expect instant fixes. I hate days when I have too much down time too. Easy to dwell. take care- Jeanne
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In the long run the pessimist may be proved right, but the optimist has a better time on the trip.- Daniel L. Reardon
Can't add much - keep busy. It's good to find something that can use all that energy - vigorous workout, dig in the garden, etc. Blast the rock n roll, surround yourself with people whom you like.
