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The dear children do not have to lose in this tullemars. A divorce is never easy under the best of circumstances, but sometimes, like in your case, to divorce is a better alternative than staying married just for the kids. Sometimes youngsters grow up feeling guilty if the parents stay in an unhealthy relationship "just for them." You must lovingly explain to them that their mother is ill and you cannot help her. That her disease is something she must conquer herself. Be sure to keep her dear in their hearts; they love their mother no matter who she is or what she is, so you must keep that love alive and well by never uttering an unkind word about her. Your problems with their mother should never be shifted to them; remember that.
Life is not fair for any of us. Neither of your children will lead an absolutely idyllic life. Ever. There are bumps for us all, but handled with loving kindness, those bumps do not become unjumpable hurdles, and your children will come out of this unscathed. I know it can happen. It happened to my sister and me. We are fine because our parents handled it gently, with kindness, love, and patience. You will too.
Good luck Diva
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"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
You got me to thinking back to a few years ago. I would sit out on my steps and wonder. What did i do in a past life to cause this. In time I have let the feeling go. I would bet myself up over that question a few years ago. All i can say is let it go and move on. Do what is best for your kids. I think Diva said it better than i can. Sometimes it is better for the kids to move on than stay in a bad relationship. It shows them they have to love and take care of themselfs. Don't be to hard on your self you sound like a good man.
I admire your strength... I really do. You are doing the right thing for you, your children and your wife. It's just too crazy right now to see it.
Reading your posts reminds me of when I was a child and had joined the swim team. I was only maybe 6 yo, we were at our first swim meet, I swam my first heat and I lost! Probably last place! I kept picking my head out of the water, looking around... Where were my competitors? Where was I at? Where was my mom at? etc... When I finished the heat my dad said to me that when in a race, keep your head in the water, push as hard as you can and keep moving until you feel that wall. At that point hopefully you've won. 26 years later, I found that those rules pertain to all areas of life. Keep your head down, keep moving and soon it will be over...
Sorry I made you read my lame story but... keep your head down and keep moving.... You'll be there soon....
re: the bad days, i know when i went through both breakups........neither of my "A's" would get into recovery, i , and this was before recovery, decided that i just was not going to **go there* again....
i lived with my drunken mother....had to ...i was a child and had no choices then....now i do....and to be honest i would not even consider dating anyone with addiction for alcohol or drugs, or sex.....any addiction, i would not want...they would have to be in recovery a long long time, really working the program before i would risk it.....
i am sorry you and the kids are going through this......i know they say **for the kids* etc, but i think being around the craziness is worse for them.........i admire your guts, taking care of you, so you can take care of the kids.........please take what works, leave the rest/ rosie
Tullemars,