The material presented
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information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
One of my daycare moms dad passed away yesterday at 5:15 pm. Chronic drinker all his life. I have known this woman for years now and have watched every time he was in and out of rehab. Heard about all the times she had to call the ambulance because he would get so sick. I listened to her talk about when he went thru dt's. I watched as he had his "okay" times and they would go fishing together. He loved his 5 grandchildren and lived very close to them.
Last week he was rushed into the emergency room. His liver was shot. His belly kept filling w/fluid. He was bleeding internally and slipped into unconsciousness. He was put on a feeding tube and a respirator.
He woke up once to tell her he loved her....that he didn't want to fight this anymore. He finally gave up the fight yesterday afternoon.
14 yrs of marriage before his wife left him w/two teenage kids. None of his drinking buddies were there at the hospital when he was dying. His family surrounded him.
Makes me so sad to know that some just don't make it.
I live with that same thought everyday. My mom was the greatest, until she started drinking. She is a mouthy and angry drunk. I think everyday if she is going to last another year. She was hospitalized almost seven years ago with a damaged liver, she nearly died twice. Did she stop drinking, no. I fear for her everyday. I love could keep her alive, she could live a lifetime and half just off of the love I have for her. I haven't talked to her in at least 2 1/2 years. I write her notes a lot and scream and holler and tell her my feelings, then I burn them. It is only moments of relief but those few moments of peace I cherish. She's a survivor that's for sure, but at some point will she give up also? Oh, I hope not. I want to be close to her once again before she leaves this world. The whole time the A's drink, I don't think they realize that they hurt the people around them so much. When they do realize it, I think they have the "I can't believe I done that, treated them like so horrible, I hurt my child/spouse/loved one" mentality and its not easy for them to face. I've learned a lot in my young 24 years on this earth. I was forced to grow up too fast. I had a mother that disappeared into the bottom of a bottle and never came out (that I'm aware of). I don't want her to disapear forever, but I'm not going to the bottom of the bottle to find her, but I don't want to find her in her casket or in a hospital bed either.
My A just recently went through this same thing with his best friend's dad. Last year it was the liver and bleeding. This year it was blood clots in his legs and finally gave up the fight. It was sad to watch his sons suffer through this. He was like a second dad to my A. I did my best not to mention that last year the doctors told this man, if you quit drinking you could live 10-15 years. It is sad to know that A's can find help, but can only do it when they are ready. I hope my A gets ready soon.
my mom went out the same way!!!! she deliberately drank herself todeath because she couldn't face the shame and guilt over enabling her husband, my father to incest me....he attacked me for years!!!!! she knew!!! didn't protect me!!!! and i know she drank herself to the grave as it was too much for her to handle......
looking back at it?? i am glad she **went to the otherside* where she is not bleeding internally, there are no wife beaters there, no incest aggressors to tear at her child's flesh.....she is safe...she is free......it is we who are left behind who suffer the ravages of this disease
had he not forced her to drink with him to satisfy his devient needs, she wouldn't have turn into an "A" and had she not turned into a hopless "A" to stand the beatings and adultery, i know she would have not let him harm me....but she did...and she died for it.... i saw her bleeding from her anal area and 3 months later she was gone!!!!
i would not have her back in that suffering for a million bucks!!!! the "A's" who have a good heart inside live in hell!!! their lives are a torture chamber....they have this disease....yes, they can CHOOSE god and recovery....why they dont???? who knows????? for my mom, it was her **ticket out of her hell* for the others???? like my beloved brother who told me a few months ago his liver was enlarged???? why does he keep doing it when he knows he is loved??i don't know.....so i just love him for WHO he is and WHERE he is at.......it is his **life song* and i have no right no power to interfer in it...just like my "NA" daughter.....i have to detach....love them without enabling them......hope for the best....prepare for the worst....because if they do not get into recovery....the worst is what will happen..............it is sad!!!! to see a human being be reduced to that!!!! they do things as a result of their disease that would tear them apart if they faced themselves, really!!!!! i get on my knees and thank my HP that i am only coda, and not killing myself with substance abuse!!!!!! peace and prayers, rosie
