September 27
Right Back Up

"There is something in our self-destructive personalities that cries for failure."

Basic Text, p.77

 

######ROSIE…I am sharing on this  NA  share because  no matter what the group??? It is still 12 steps and still recovery…..

"Poor me; woe is me; look at me, my life is such a mess! I've fallen, and no matter how hard I try, I continue to fail!" Many of us came to NA singing this sad refrain.

########ROSIE…..see this is where I feel like now……35 days STRAIGHT of listening to “I love me” tapes and I slipped big time…..the self abuser reared her ugly head at me with insults/ frustration/ impatience with me……..i shared about it and   a wise soul told me  “rosie, maybe you are pushing too hard”   I think she hit it…..maybe I am trying/ fighting too hard to overcome…..there again, I need to SLOW down,  **easy does it*   etc……I am doing the steps 1,2,3, on it and  self discipline to **slow down*   **stay in my body—in the present*…..boy,  think I am doing good and  POW!!! Another set back….oh well….that is why they say one day at a time

 

Life isn't like that anymore. True, sometimes we still stumble; at times we even fall. Sometimes we feel like we can't move forward in our lives, no matter how hard we try. But the truth of the matter is that, with the help of other recovering addicts in NA, we find a hand to pull us up, dust us off, and help us start all over again. That's the new refrain in our lives today. No longer do we say, "I'm a failure and I'm going nowhere!" Usually, it's more like, "Rats! I hit that same bump in the road of life again

########ROSIE…..oh yeah, I stumbled….self hater , self abuser/sabateur…….one think I notice…I call it   **rosie’s  “FIDA”: rule*…………FREQUENCY      (less slips…managing life better…..INTENSITY ..(not as crazy/ violent / anger is manageable)……..DURATION  (doesn’t last nearly as long because I run to the meets and the program steps/ literature et al—sponser)……AWARENESS   (I know when it begins that I  am getting the coda **crazies* and so I notice it right away)    and  of course after awareness,  is my acceptance and than right action…..that has improved……I would have to say my lowest score is the intensity….so I need to discharge old emotions STILL>>>>>

 

. Pretty soon I'll learn to slow down or avoid it entirely!" Until then, we may continue to fall down occasionally, but we've learned that there's always a helping hand to set us on our feet again.

#######ROSIE…..i need this…..SLOW DOWN…….**easy does it*…..and by doing so I can stay in my body and the present…..i feel like I am  **scrambling*  when I get into  **high gear*….coda crazies….not grounded…not breathing right….so I have to do more self discipline to  slow down……”easy does it”   and BREATHE……I am aware….i accept….i need to practice this….thank God I can go to meets/ group and not be alone…..

 

Just for today: If I begin to cry failure, I'll remember there is a way to move forward. I will accept the encouragement and support of NA.

pg. 281

 

 

#######ROSIE…..last night was my **failure cry*….but I will hang in there and keep going…..today is a new day…..so we  **begin again*  forget yesterday/ forgive it….learn from it….and try again….i am worth it……..