The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
i am so dumb i cant believe he is doing drugs this guy called my husbands cell phone. i was playing dective and it was his drug dealer he said he just sold my husband 30dollar weed bag.
i didnt even know he was doing drugs too. he said him & this other guy hooked up he said my husband was fine and that he told him to come home i cant tell my family this one because i cant even handle this . although that explains all the missing money. i made up my mind he has to go to rehab or we are through! i dont know who this man is, hes not the man i married thats for sure its like there is a stranger in my bed
Remember the old line..You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink. It's the same with your husband. You may require him to go to rehab or you ar through..but if he's not ready, it won't work. He can't do it for you, he has to do it for him. Normally it is because they have hit bottom, they are feeling so low there is no other choice if they want to survive.
You have some decisions to make, make them for you,
Take care Christy
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
i understand you. you are lucky come here and get support. you are not the only one going through this. my husband stop using drugs but he is addict with sex now. he keep cheasing young girls even i asked him nicely stop doing that. he can not. he is sick. so i let him go. i asked divorce and will meet him at the court soon.talking to him its like cut my bones with knife. but i won't drown myself in bitterness i will have to be strong and face up tomorrow.right?
I know that what you are going through is very scary and confusing. I remember when I found out my husband was using crack and then crystal meth. I felt like all of the wind had been knocked out of me. Then I remembered wishing that all he were using was weed. It was the lesser of the evils.
I don't believe my husband will ever stop smoking marijuana because he has used it to cope for so long. I don't like it and don't want it in my house, but right now am not willing to argue about it with him.
Keep coming back here. We are here for you and maybe can help you make sense out of things. Remember do not make threats or state ultimatums that you cannot follow through with.
I know feeling like a fool isnt fun.. But you like me love with our eyes shut.. At least that is what everyone tells me. Take a deep breathe and really think about your next move. I agree, you cant make him quit anything alcohol or drugs.. They have to WANT to ... As sad as that is for most of them rock bottom is so farther down then we imagine. It is hard to watch someone you love kill their sole with addictions..
Take care of yourself.. Take a deep breathe... Really think about your next steps...They may change your life forever.
My sister found out that her husband was doing meth only after he burned the garage down. (Thank goodness it wasn't attached to the house!) Then she found out that he never paid the insurance, so they can't rebuild. She threw him out for the first week, and set some boundaries. He's in an outpatient program, but has found way "to beat the testing" and must attend the classes because he's on probation for something back a couple of years ago. By looking at him, he looks like the typical family man. Coaching my niece's soccer, taking care of the house (he's on disablity for his back), etc. But there are certain subtle signs that I've picked up. I asked my sister about this and she doesn't want to hear about it. She's in denial and is very much a co-dependent.
My question to you is: What are you going to do for you to take care of yourself? You need to put the focus back on you and your well-being. He's only going to stop if he wants to stop.
Please see if you can get to some meetings. You have some hard decisions to make, and could probably benefit from some one-on-one counceling. You're not alone in this. There are plenty of people out there who have been through and are going through the same thing.
Remember the 3 C's: You didn't Cause it. You can't Control it. You can't Cure it.
Live strong, Karilynn
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
I know you did not ask, but may i invite you to try some things?
Alanon teaches us, the way for US to get healthy is to stop playing detective, stop looking at anothers behavior. We cannot change it anyway.
May I ask, "What good is all this hunting him down and disecting what he is up to, doing for you?"
This reacting to the disease is what makes us very sick. Instead of taking care of our selves we focus on the disease. It loves the attention, loves a playmate.
If we stop looking at the A and their disease, and start looking for our own income, secuing shelter for us and our kids and animals, make sure we have a a dependable vehicle and go to meetings, come here, read literature, we then can become stronger and healthier.
Most of us start by telling our story. It is natural. After awhile we realize it is not doing us much good and we begin working on us. Part of working on us is venting from time to time. As much as anyone needs. But the part that helps us grow is when we focus back to ok he is doing this, what am "I" going to do for me and the kids?
If he/she had cancer we would not allow the disease to control our decisions, or take away our lives.
I believe I see by your posts you are scared and facing a lot of ugliness. I also see a strong smart woman who, when she is ready, will pull it together and start focusing on her own path.
Alanons hp gives us so many miracles. Starting with inviting us to find it in the first place.
>>>>>>>>i made up my mind he has to go to rehab or we are through! i dont know who this man is, hes not the man i married thats for sure its like there is a stranger in my bed
ROSIE>>>>>>>is this for you??? or for him???? he has to make his own life/ his own choices.....i would make any decisions based on me/ my needs/ my wans, because "ME" is all i can help/ change.....remember the 3 C's.....i did not CAUSE this...........i cannot CONTROL this......so i definetely cannot CURE this..........and add i can only CHAGE me............i call it my 4 C's, even tho 12 steps mentions the first 3........take what works and leave the rest....good luck in whatever you do.....i would definitely keep the focus on me cause thats all i can do!!! peace/ rosie
My dear Chrissy, you need to understand first that you canot control your husband's drinking, nor can you control his drug taking. So playing the detective can only lead to driving yourself crazy while he continues on his way of doing things. Keep him away from any money you might have by 1: withdrawing it, or 2: setting up an account in your name only. THen, please dear, go to an Al Anon meeting in your area. There you will learn how to begin to heal yourself, and to lead a serene life whether or not hubby is using. Your sadness and confusion is a natural response to what you have discovered, but as many of us have told you, remember the 3 Cs...I didn't cause, I can't control, I cannot cure. Keep these rolling over in your mind. Your first duty now is to your precious child and to yourself. Your husband will not get "better" just by going into rehab. The time must be right. You can probably force him to go, but I wouldn't count on a positive outcome.
That's the craziness of this whole addiction thing; we go nuts trying to "reform" the offender, and we cannot do it. We can only take care of ourselves, and in your case our children, and pass the alcoholic on to God. Please, please get yourself to Al Anon. If ever anyone needed it, you do.
Hopeful for you, Diva
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"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
Knowledge is power Chrissy. I really believe that. At least you know what is going on (at least more than you did before) and can take action based on that knowledge. Please know that your HP is looking out for you and is there for your H as well (whether he knows it or not) The hard part is trusting our HP and believing that we can survive this next blow to our lives. You CAN find serenity and peace amidst the madness-- the people on this board are living proof of it. take care
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In the long run the pessimist may be proved right, but the optimist has a better time on the trip.- Daniel L. Reardon
i couldnt do this with out you! its scary how many of us this happened to. i have to find time to go to a meeting this week the one i went to was on tuesdays and i have parent teacher tomorrow i changed the locks on the door. i have a question the car he is driving is in my name how do i get it out of my name i dont want to report it stolen because i dont want to hurt him i am so hurt but i do still love him but i will not live like this anymore
