Ah, gee. I don't know what to say, except that insane people sometimes make insane choices, and insanity is why we're here. You've done what you needed to do here, admitted your wrong and made amends. Sometimes, all you can do next is keep putting one foot in front of the other, and, as they say do "the next right thing". One day at a time.

Powerless over alcohol, but Powerful,

I read your other posts. You've been going through a lot. I wonder why the police couldn't arrest him when he was doing crystal meth? You have a two year old in the house. Pills, etc. could be on the floor. Sometimes the cops are young and ignorant, so the more we can learn about the law, the better. The cops weren't going to arrest my a for being drunk in the house until I said, "Isn't it illegal to unplug a 911 call?" and "I absolutely will press charges." I think it's really important to have them arrested every single time they do something illegal. You have to not expect any support from the cops, the mother-in-law, or anyone. People don't want to hear about it, they want it to go away and everything be nicey-nice. And there is a huge stigma from everyone against a woman who is involved with a problem man.

I'm sorry you lost your job. Your posts are so intelligent and articulate, that it's hard for me to imagine you being out of control, but it must have shown in your work before the incident that got you fired. You mentioned they have a restraining order, were you arrested? The sane thing would have been to go to the supervisor and say you needed a raise, or an advance, or emergency grocery money. A caring boss would have extended themselves.

Others wouldn't agree with me, but if I was in a situation where I needed groceries for my three kids and stole a retarded person's $73 check, I wouldn't have told my supervisor, and faced the possibility of getting fired. The groceries would have tasted bad enough to punish me. I would have made ammends some other way. You do have integrity, and were crying out for help, but were reaching out to the wrong person. Now you have lost your job and might have criminal charges against you. How can that help your kids and the situation?

I agree with Diva. The slogan is, "Don't go to the hardware store for a loaf of bread." Don't go to other people who are not in Alanon for support. The support you get will be a mish-mosh of old wive's tales, and things they heard when they were young, and things they hear in their Bridge club...this is not anything that is useful to you. Your mom in law needs to be in Alanon really bad. Maybe she'll go to a f2f meeting with you (hopefully one with childcare). I'm supposing that your dad and your therapist see the out of control behavior in you and think divorce proceedings will escalate things (you could tell you dad you will take a raincheck on his monetary offer to pay for the divorce in the future).

I know it's probably very hard with three kids, but if there is anyway to go to lots of face to face Alanon meetings and get a sponsor and work those phones with Alanon people (instead of calling your mom 20 times when she obviously is avoiding you), and listen to the free speaker tapes on this site, and posting here, and online meetings, that that would be a healthy route.

It seems like you really need the sanity and support of Alanon now. I can't imagine living with an practicing addict, a mentally ill son, a learning disabled daughter, and a two year old, and being fired, and being broke, without a support system! You're young, you need your strength and health and wits about you for what is ahead of you. You need serenity and a program with lots of loving support (we're all with you), so take care what you put into your body, drink water and get your rest, and keep your side of the street clean, practice grace and dignity, and with lots of prayers and working the program, things will become clearer and you'll be able to make better decisions.

Come to this site and post when you are thinking about taking an action, and we can share experience, strength and hope, and maybe if you had posted that you were thinking about stealing a disabled person's small check, we would have shared some options with you, like applying for foodstamps, or standing outside a busy grocery store with you three kids and a sign, or going to your church, or asking for an advance, or making a plea on television, or contacting a foodbank, or going through the grocery store garbage cans, etc.

Remember, H.A.L.T.

Am I Hungry? Am I Angry? Am I Lonely? Am I Tired? Keep it Simple. Recite the Serenity Prayer over and over all day. One day at a time. Get to those meetings. Hey, this is stuff I need to hear too, so thanks for reminding me.