The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Having such a hard time dealing with a situation with 19 year old son. He has made a decision which I can't agree with (joining army)...but as I know, I am powerless over this. The only thing I can change is ME. Looking back at step 3, it asks "What can I do when my loved ones make decisions I don't like? How can I let my loved ones find their own life paths as I am finding mine?" Then I was looking at Tradition 4, where it asks how can I apply this Tradition of autonomy to my family. I keep thinking of something I'd read a long time ago...about how a certain metal (steel I think?) is made strong by being forged in fire. How it has to be put thru the heat and flames in order to gain strength. I look at those flames of fire as challenges we all must pass thru in life...we may get scorched by the flames, dehydrated by the heat...but if we get thru it and rehydrate ourself, we come out stronger knowing we're still here, we've survived yet another challenge which may have seemed insurmountable at first. I can't give this challenge to anyone else to deal with. I have to do it myself, I have to be autonomous. I know my family and my friends here in Alanon will "rehydrate" me as best they can with their love and support, but I also know I need to be willing to accept that "water" and that it is ultimately up to me to "drink" it. We're all walking thru "flames" alone...yet not alone. You all remind me "HP is with you", and I thank you all for that too, and for also saying son's HP is with him. I know this in my head, I do believe I know it in my heart....I just feel distant and lost and alone...and I feel that is all totally my fault. It's not HP who is staying "far"...it is me. I need to find acceptance. I need to Let Go and Let God. I need to stay loving and kind although my heart is breaking and shattering in a million pieces of grief. God give me strength, God please give me the willingness to accept your strength. Acceptance....I never knew how hard it could be.
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Let your light shine in the darkness. "I can't just bring my mind to meetings...I must also bring my heart."
I was just sharing with a co-worker about how hard it is to watch our children come into their own. It is hard but I try to remember to not interrupt my HP work. It is hard at times, almost impossible, and I slip now and then.
One of my sons, (#2) went into the Air Force a couple years ago. I thought it was a mistake at the time. (I come from a military family) I went to his graduation from Basic Training, it was wonderful, he had grown and matured in just six short weeks. He now lives about 1500 miles from me. He is married, with two step children, and a new baby. I will be going there next month to hold my new granddaughter.
My oldest son was accepted into an elite program at a private college, an accelerated program where he could earn two degrees in 3 years. He had to go through 5 interviews to get in, he is an exceptional artist. He was kicked out after two semesters; it was horrible to watch him suffer the consequences of his actions. He came home and then moved out because he felt he should not have to pay rent. I watched from afar as he abused drugs and alcohol, as his roommates abused his niceness and left him with no notice and no money to pay the bills. I watched after he moved back home, leave his job, buy a one way ticket to chase a girl who only broke his heart. BUT now he is doing good, has a good paying job, doing some art work on the side, has a nice girlfriend, who has a three year old and they are expecting a baby next March.
There are two more boys at home to watch go through broken hearts, hurts of life, bad decisions, and I will be there to support and offer help when they ask.
And then there is my A. That is the hardest one for me because I keep thinking "he's and adult" but once again I have to not interrupt.
I believe like you, these things in our lives make us stronger, like the metal being forged. Hang in there, do nice things for you.
