The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I could tell you my story , but its been written here time after time already, sufice to say my wife is my "A" . After losing her job 2 weeks ago ( hardest worker ive ever known never missed a dayu in 5 years ) the booze has completly taken over, she has lost the ability to even try to stop drinking. She has attempted suicide twice in the last week. the first time the doctors let her out after 3 days , sat night she actually cut her wrists, and is in the hospital again. I have to see a judge today to have her committed for at least 14 days to at least sober up , and hopefull right into a in-patient program. I heard the booze talking to me after I dialed 911 when i found her, it was mad at me for calling an ambulance to save her life. it was her talking but I know it was the booze. I hate this disease. It has taken the love of my life from a beautiful, vibrant well spoken lady to a babiling idiot. She has been drinking for 20 years , she just turned 39, we have been together 6 years , the last 2 years have been a downward spiral for her. Today I am sad for her , but tomorrow I start on me f2f to start , ill go from there. Thank god today has been busy at work because im a mess on the inside , Ill keep you posted on my progress im probally going to cry on you shoulders a bit , ive read most of the 61 pages in history , and have gained alot of courage from them . Im not new to 12 steps as im a recovering addict with 10 years clean . Excuse the spelling as I said im a mess.
Your post says it all - your situation is complete chaos right now, and most of us have been there, in one form or the other. Good for you in reaching out here, and in getting yourself to meetings...
This disease is a horrible thing..... don't let it take you both down... Your wife may or may not beat it, but don't let that effect your recovery, in every sense of the word. Al-Anon is a good place.
Take care
T
__________________
"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
You really are at a peak in crisis. I've always found that "day at a time," or sometimes "hour at a time," "minute at a time," et. al., helps most at such times. You must have some good tools as a person in program for your own addiction. You are a symbol of hope, though I know wanting others to have your experience of becoming clean is probably one of the things you have to let go of ... That's hard for me too, wanting experiences for others that we can't control ... and yet still caring, for all the obvious reasons.
Hi Arp and Welcome to the board - Go to as many meetings as you can. Here and in your meetings you'll find the love and support you need to take care of yourself through this crisis.
Try to keep in mind the 3 c's - you didn't cause it - you can't control it - and you certainly can't cure it. (Even though, before Al-Anon we all thought we could) :):)
We're here, and we all have big shoulders. Our situations and backgrounds may be different, but our objective for being here i.e. that we have been affected by alcohol, binds us. I wish you well in your situation, one minute at a time.
Thanks for all your kind words thus far.. I have just come from the hospital visting her. I asked how things were going , and if anybody had been in to help her decide what programs she can get in after her stay ( In Ontario if a doctor feels shes ok , after 72 hours she is free to go if the Doctor doesnt sign her in for more time sadly this is the law, if you try to kill someone you get 15 years, if you try to kill your self you get a 72 hour stay and a phamplet. ) She says shes not staying in anywhere for help, so I can tell shes ready to say anything to fool the Dr to get out.
When I arrived home I promptly called her nurse and asked if there was a social worker available to help her find a place to live/ shelter / grouphome etc etc as, she cannot come here. My point to them is I cannot be responsible for her getting out and drinking and killing herself ,so I want them to be responsible for what happens to her. I will not let them release her in my care so she can get hammered and try and kill herself again like what happened just one week ago. Call it tough love , some may call it mean, some know exactly the cunning power of you "A" to deceive.
Give me your thoughts am I doing the right thing here or am I being An A-whole about it. Deep in my heart I think im doing the right thing. It is going to freggin tough to follow though on this but I feel I must .
I know these rooms arent here for advise but any thoughts will be greatly appreciated . Whats that word again Detachment, ya thats it lol
the saga will continue im sure , my life ( as prob most of you ) is I believe the ultimate relality show, although I doubt many would have the will desire or strenth to join it .
By the way I wish all of you the best of luck for serenity and peace in you life. I beliveve rooms like this and f2f meetings are the only way to start achieving it. There is no magic pill. I had to learn to let go and let god in my own recovery , its kept me clean for 10 years now, its strange that now I have to start the process all over again on the flip side. It does how ever reaffirm how important it was to make ammends to all those I hurt in this way so many years ago. I can only hope this makes me stronger for it with you help Im sure it will.
I think you are making the right choice. Tell the Doctors she is not coming home in your care. They must find a place for her. Just a hint Tell them if they do want her released to write it is against your wishes on her record and sign the record your self with a note from you. That scares the crap out off them. They know your doing it looking for malpractice suit. They will keep her. Just a little trick i learned in the hospital and doctors i worked for.
Keep up the good work being Sober I wish you the best.
Thank goodness we don't give advice, because darned if I know what I would advise.
Something to keep in mind - in alanon we say we should do nothing to either hasten or prevent their hitting bottom. As much as possible, step back, and let the A's higher power take over, while always offering love and encouragement.
Hello Arp - remember arp there is always hope. Am glad you are going to Al-Anon get to as many meetings a week as u can , the more u go the faster u grow. there are some great meetings in Toronto I was t here in June of this yr for the international convention and met many great local members of our program . Good luck Louise
just wanted to let you know i'm from toronto too, now in bolton. still go to mississauga group meetings.
letting them feel the pain of their decisions is part of the process of not enabling. feeling too much pain without any where to turn is dangerous, as your wife has shown. i don't know what i would do in your situation.
pray for clarity. anything you do will be out of love. and that is ok.
(((((((((( ARP)))))))))))) Welcome. I am sorry that you are hurting but you seem to be on track. I watch my A slowly killing himself with his drinking. He too, is a hard worker, until this year I have never seen him miss a day of work, no he has missed several. He has actually said outloud that alcohol will be what ends his life. Know that you are supported and cared about. Take good care of you.
