The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
This has really been a difficult week. I am really struggling to stay above water. I am confused, hurt, dissapointed, and yet my head is clear on what I have to do.
I have really been praying this week.. Praying for my God to show me the light. To make everything clear to me . To send me a sign.. Well, I think I have gotten lots of signs.. Tell me what you think..
Monday, i went to Celebrate Recovery and they had a name tag with my name. When I ask they said they knew I was coming and had been praying for me. That night the spokesperson, talked about co-dependency and how if I keep putting the pillow underneath him how will he ever hit rock bottom ? Tuesday my A worked the house was peaceful and all was quiet.. Wednesday was okay too Thursday the house exploded and my A and my son got into a fight and Well, you all know what happens next. Friday.. This am my husband and I argued and fought.. I called my counselor and she was in ( she is never in on Fridays ) she said she was cleaning the office .. I went to see her and she told me flat out how selfish I am being to continue in the marriage. My husband is destroying my children and I am allowing this to happen. My children are really paying the price for my weakness. OH, ... Today, has been so difficult. .
Now, my A is out I am sure getting drunk and I am here..
I have chosen tomorrow as moving day however, i havent picked up the phone to call the gentleman about the condo.. WHy ?? I dont get it..
I am going to a f2f to try to gain some strength.. Boy, how I need it.. Tell me , why after everything he has done why do i want to call him ?? Why do i want to hear his voice ? Why cant i let go even though I know it is destroying me and my family ?
YIKES, I am so sorry this is long but it felt good to let it out,.. Anyone with comments or who can provide some I have been there please.... HELP>.
One time a few years ago, my children's father was being so very horrible. Saying horrible mean things to one of my grown sons about me. We were marriend almost 14 years (have been divorced almost 10 years), it was an abusive marriage and he is an A also. I was talking to my sister and was explaining all that had been said when I made the comment "I can't believe I loved that man" her response was "what he is now is not the man you fell in love with." Her words calmed me, she was right, his disease has taken over the man I fell in love with all those years ago. Hang in there. Know you have so much love, support, and Karma, coming your way.
Tammy I am there too, I am trying to hold on to my ex even though his addiction has distroyed our family. We have seperated now but, it's still so hard. The one thing that makes this so much easier is the strength that my daughter gives me. Knowing that I am doing what is best for her, even though I hurt on the inside gives me so much strength. Just know that whatever hurt you've had because of his use will be the same type of hurt your children have. As a parent I know I personally would do anything in my power to prevent my daughter from being hurt. Tammy be strong and do it for your children. My situation is so new I don't know if it will get any easier, but I know my daughter won't have to go through a fraction of what I've put myself through. Heidi
We still remember the person we married and we so want things to get back to the way they used to be.
I have the problem with my A not leaving the house either. He's not abusive but when he binges he is gone for days/weeks. I'm fairly far into the divorce process and he's aware but for now he's here and says he wants to work things out. He's not drinking but nothing has changed for me---I mean, I'm living me life.
