The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I do not sleep with my husband. He is awake all night a lot and when he does sleep it is so restless, I get woken up. Or he snores so loud the walls shake.
I cannot talk to my husband. He either does not remember things I tell him or he remembers the stuff in his twisted way. We also do not have much in common. Or the same values or morals or goals, etc. for that matter.
I cannot trust my husband. I have caught him in so many lies, I just stopped listening to save myself the wondering.
I cannot leave my children with him most of the time. I will not subject them to his rants or his crazy driving.
I won't leave my husband. He supports us and I get to be with my children after school. When I left him before I worked so much that I saw my kids two hours a day and we were always grumpy. The weekends were for grocery shopping and laundry. We did not have money to spare. I was overwhelmed being a single mom and we were constantly fighting, me and my kids.
I despair sometimes because I wanted a partner, a friend, a father, a confidante, a soul mate. And I chose the wrong person to share my life with.
I'm sorry I am seriously on the pity pot today
I know what I need to do but sometimes I just don't want to have the energy
Thank you for sharing. You remind me of what I was like while active. I need to hear these things to remind me what I could be like again if I relapse. It makes me work that much harder on my recovery. It also gives me better understanding of the pain I put my ex wife through all those years because of my disease.
I also share some of your feelings. I despair sometimes because I wanted a partner, a friend, a confidante, a soul mate. And I let alcohol get in the way long enough that my partner gave up.
So life goes on sober, without the person I wanted so much to share my sobriety with. It hurts just as much on this side of the disease.
Hey Brown Eyes, can I join you in your pity party?
Like you I don't want to be a struggling single mom, and that wouldn't change things anyway, he'd still drink, and I'd be less able to protect my kids cause they'd be back and forth.
Some day my friend we shall truly find our soul mates and the timing will be right. Until then...take care of you, one day at a time.
Reading your post was like reading a page out of my own life I feel like that everyday, I pray every night for things to get better but they don't ever seem too. I look at other families and wonder why mine can't be that way. I hate the smell of my husband sometimes he actually disgusts me.
