Subject: Meditation: Pain

God, if You love me, why must I endure pain? This question preoccupies
many believers in their darkest hours of need. While pain comes in different
forms and has different durations, suffering always comes with an objective
greater than our comfort, pleasure, or personal goals. If we seek God's purpose
for grief, we will find both His peace and His deep love for us.

########ROSIE...boy that was my most asked question.....why  pain only??? why so much bad karma????  and i spent so much time in the darkness  i slept hanging upside down!!  and considered a cave for my dwelling!!!  my pain came in diferent forms and it was all  *this far*  from defeating me.....duration was constant....some days worse than others....but it was pain.....So  i have , in the 12 steps,  just decided to have *blind faith* in the working of this process .....and i just can't see  the Source  visiting the kind of pain that i and others like me experienced....i think he is often non interfering,  but to visit the kind of pain that i had????  no!!!  can't see it...but i will be honest,   i did blame him for years/  decades for not *rescueing* me when he/she/it  had the chance....

Pain instructs. Christ's sufficiency is more apparent during times of
suffering than in the midst of blessing. Discovering God's faithful
provision strengthens our resolve to endure.

######ROSIE...oh the kind of pain i have  NOW in recovery is like childbirth!!! i am going to get something good out of this!!!  however  i can only endure so much....how many times had i come within a hairs breadth of  quitting...bellying up!!!!! it was almost more than i could bare, and in ways it was, but i kept hanging in there, believing first in the program until i could believe in any higher power.........in the past i would  have had to escape in drugs and alcohol to get away from it......NOW the program / 12 steps and my  group family and my  close and SAFE loved ones  whom i turn to are my source of comfort/ support

Pain purifies. Counterfeit faith cannot withstand hardship's flames.
Like gold in a refiner's fire, suffering believers experience the burning
away of impurities until only things of value remain. Trials bring into focus
the truth about the world we live in, the nature of the people we meet, and the
incomparable worth of the Lord.

#######ROSIE....well to me???   i think i got my belly full of trials...when in the past the trials were out of balance with the blessings.....NOW i can look at the good parts of my life.....i have many things that the source blessed me with....i could't see it before,   i am grateful i came out of it the way i did, and perhaps it made me the person i am today and for that i'll be grateful,  but i would never   never   never want to go through that hell again!!!!!  in my suffering i have met some really wonderful people,  FOUND some , with my now being emotionally more sober ,  within my own family....and yes, i have found my higher power  *as i understand  it*

Pain motivates. Pain drives us to God. How often do we hear testimony
from people who discovered Him during their worst trial? In His wisdom, our
Father knows whether we require motivation from blessing or from distress.

########ROSIE.....before recovery  the pain i suffered drove me away from the source!!!!   i used to pray to the source and say out right  *pain is only driving me away from you...i can't ENDURE this anymore.....SOMETHING has got to change...i am at the end*......i was in the beginning of yet another suicide attempt when a man, who would become my sponser for a while,  talked me into recovery..that was 19 months ago, and i can *see*   *feel*  my own change/growth/recovery.....in the past the pain had beaten me down...it wore me out!!!...it covered me like this big / dark/ heavy/  shroud and i felt like i was suffocating....pain motivated me in the past to want to kill myself......now, the pain of my *dealing with my demons*  is producing recovery and i am motivated to *want more good* ....i endure the pain of my recovery in the hope that better days/ better life is ahead, but make no mistake,  those *scabbed over*   *scarred over*  places in me that were once  open / ooozing/ festering wounds are still very tender to the touch.....i can heal   i AM healing,  but i am also very aware,  that   i can only *bounce back so many times*    i don't know, really , honestly, if i could endure any more  *hay makers*  from hell!!!   i put my life in the  protection of my higher power  i  *cast my burdens* onto my Christ within and i literally go ONE day at a time 

Pain opens us to intimacy with God. At the end of our own resources is
the Lord's boundless strength. Running into His arms guarantees us the
comfort and energy that is available only through an intimate relationship with the
Father.

#######ROSIE....for me it was the opposite for so long.....i felt abandoned by the source....i was moving away from any higher power  not to!!!   for me i cannot grasp a  *male gender,  father* God...for obvious reasons that label is a trigger...so  i call it the source...  but whatever i call the universal creator,  too much bad karma  was taking me away from the light.......i am developing a relationship with the source NOW.....for a while the program was my higher power, until i saw it working through the people here,  than i was able to find  my  HP  of my understanding/acceptance.....i had to get totally rid of my old concepts/ lables of  God/source....it wasn't working for me....the teachings i was raised on.....just did not work....i went back to my native american roots, to find my perception of  MY hihger power....it works for me ..i am also getting a new and good perception of the Source/ of me/ of life...things are *lookin up* as they say...

Living an easy life doesn't earn rewards. Though our instinct is to
sidestep pain, suffering helps us find intimacy with God and the great purpose
He sets for our life.

########ROSIE...i understand that i have to have  *trials*  in order to grow.....a  trial is  FAR diferent than the kind of life shattering events i suffered....and the suffering i see in this whole world.......wan't to know what i think????   i think the  *trials---lessons*   from the Source are the kind you can get over and end up better in the end................the other kind??  the kind that brings you down-- leaves a forever *hole*  in your life???  i think that is  nothing even remotely from the source----   like me!!  what happened to me, was NOTHING to do with God/Source....it was the darkness!!!!   and it was my  HP,  that is getting me through it......there is suffering ,  but how about some balance??? i mean *geeez loueeeez* ....in the past, i would no sooner get over the last *hay maker*  and the next one would happen!!! it was too much--- OVER kill!!!!   now i have tools with which to  live life....i now have a higher power that i can *grasp* ...i now have a healthier mind/emotions.....i now am doing much better,  and my whole attitude has changed.....i go one day at a time.....do what i can do  and  *cast the burden* on the rest.......as i lose the tendency to fight life,  it doesn't fight me!!!!  as i become more and more willing to *cast the burdens*  good comes my way now !!!!  i am becomming a magnet for my good karma!!!!  because i really  really  really  love me now!!!!   thank you ,  done -------rosie