Just need an ear to listen to me... - Al-Anon Family Group

dani2304 · Newbie

Just need an ear to listen to me...

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

(((((Danielle)))))

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Welcome Danielle

I am glad that you are reaching out and seeking help for yourself and your children. Living with the disease of alcoholism is devastating.

This disease,over which we are powerless infects the mind, heart and souls of all it touches.

I urge you to continue to seek help. AlAnon face to face meetings can be found in your community by:
http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html Or call: 1-888-4alanon

It is important for you to break the isolation, learn new tools to enrich your life and develop a trust in a Higher Power.

I have learned that Living One Day at a Time, Trusting in my Higher Power and Myself, Attending meetings, Focusing on my life and becoming all I can be , that I can live life on life's terms with Courage, Serenity and Wisdom. You can learn this too

Please keep coming back

Mattie · ~*Service Worker*~

I am glad you have found us, and so sorry for what you've been going through. I hope you can also find face-to-face Al-Anon meetings in your area. Some of them have childcare. This stuff is too hard to have to do without support.

I think most of us -- probably all of us! -- here know what it is like to be in a similar situation. The sad fact is that alcoholism causes insanity, and they're no longer making sane choices. Their insanity drags the rest of us into insanity, trying to cope with them. We need to get recovery too, because alcoholism affects everyone it touches. As to the question of why they drink when it's so destructive, in one way that can't be answered -- it's so insane. In another way, that is the answer -- the alcohol has distorted their thoughts beyond recognition. It's like a disease in that they can't help having the predisposition or the fact that it's made them insane. However, they can choose to treat the disease -- not by sheer willpower (that's the disease talking, thinking that will work). But through getting a thorough program of recovery (in AA, rehab, or another group) and working it as hard as they can. Untreated alcoholism is their own choice, just as untreated diabetes or other diseases would be.

I can so sympathize when you say your A is your best friend. Mine was my best friend too. Or rather, the man he used to be, and I kept hoping he could be, was my best friend. The man who lied, was hostile, denied the obvious, insisted only he could be right, exhibited crazy behavior, hid things, indulged in compulsive spending, tried to keep important things from me ... well, that wasn't the behavior of a best friend. If it hadn't been that I kept hoping my "real best friend" would return, I would have looked at what was really happening instead of what I hoped could happen again. It's very tough. And it can be very sad. That's why we need lots of support. I'm glad you're here. Read through all the other threads -- there are so many wise people with lots of recovery here. Hugs to you.

Jennifer · ~*Service Worker*~

(((Dani))) Welcome!

I'm sorry for the confusion and pain you are experiencing. Following the AlAnon steps, along with meetings and reading as much literature as I could helped me to find a peaceful place so I could make choices that are the best for me. I know it can help anyone who works at it. I am glad you found us, we have many willing to listen ears

Jen

EstellineGirl · Newbie

I feel the same way. My husband and I fell in love at first site almost. I guess you could say. It took me by suprise, really. I was in a nasty divorce. Took 2.5 years. I have two kids, he has one. Suprisingly, he has custody of her. Mom was/is way worse than him. Wonderful with mine as well as his. No favortism. The man is the best friend I have ever had. And I have a lot of friends.

But when he hits that bottle I just want to throttle him. I get so MAD! I say hateful things. Threaten to leave. Take ALL the kids.

My husband is battling his 3rd DWI charge right now. I know that everyone will tell me to let him fight it; however, I tend to lean more to his side. I love him. Can't help myself. In his defense, he wasn't driving, vehicle wasn't running, he wasn't even in it.

He tries. I know he does. He is a self admitted alcholic. He has went to AA, but our local AA chapter is a joke. All that are there are ones ordered by court that have been paroled or on probation and all promptly go out to the drink/drug of their choice as soon as the meeting is over clutching their little pink slips.

My husband is going to one on one therapy, and over time, this has seemed to help. The therapist has requested my presence a few times. She does addiction therapy, but also talks about stress factors and such.

I want to tell you that in my experience, even finding the "one" that works, it takes time. I still want to injur him occasionally. The most frequent episode has been this week. They say the everyone is different, and I am sure this is true. With my AH we rock along really well for 2 or 3 weeks, and then we have a bender. I know this sounds frequent, but for a while there it was a constant everyday thing.

The things I have learned in my journey may help you with yours.

1. One day at a time. It is absoulutely tiring to stay mad forever and a day. As long as I let him know the next morning that I know what he did and that I was mad at him for it, staying mad isn't going to help ME.

2. There WILL be relapses. I have had many recovering alcoholics tell me this. I hate that part.

3. Don't kill him. I have had many police officers tell me I would go to prison. :) That one was a joke. I don't want to kill him, I want him to save himself. Find small things that make you happy. It helps. Joking is mine.

4. Don't enable him. This includes excuses, cleaning up his vomit, turning off his pickup when he leaves it running all night. (let the fuel run out one night, and when he asked me the next morning why he didn't have diesel, I told him he left his pickup running all night. Ever try to start a diesel pickup when it ran out of fuel? Not the same as gas. THAT was a GOOD lesson for him.) :)

These are all the lessons I have learned so far. I hope to learn more as I begin my journey.....hope you will too! And I hope that you and your best friend have a good life when he gets well....as I hope me and mine do also.

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.