The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
On Monday I went to see a divorce attorney to start the process. I was so happy with my decision and felt as if everyone supported the decision I was making. I honestly felt like I was doing what was best for the children and myself. My father even offered to loan me the money to pay for the divorce. I felt like a burden had been liften from my shoulders.
Today, my mother-in-law made me feel guilty. She was the one who was so encouraging in the beginning. Now she is saying that maybe by seeing the lawyer and letting my husband know how serious I am, he will change his ways. She worries about how he will take this and what will happen to him. I don't feel the support that I did,
My mother and I don't have a good relationship and this morning when I called to talk with my father, she said he was not home and was very rude to me. She is not usually rude. I began to think that maybe she thinks I am making a mistake. I have tried to call her back about 20 times to discuss it with her, but she is not at home. It also bothers me that the opinions of these other people matter to me so much. They are not the ones who have to live in my home and figure out a way to feed my children when he smokes up the grocery money.
I feel so lost and alone and know that it is only going to get worse before it gets better. When my husband finds out that I am going through with the divorce, I know he will make my life hell on earth.
Hi, I am fairly new to this, but I have learned that the most important thing is taking care of ourselves first and being happy with who we are...only you know what kind of situation you are in and what will make you happy. I also let what others think of me rule my decisions most of the time and it has made my life pretty miserable at times. One of the first things told to me here was , the 3 C's, you didnt cause, you cant control and you cant cure it...... You know what you have to do and what is best for you and your children...you live it, they see it from a distance. I hope maybe this helps a little, I am learning so much here, please keep posting!!
You said it yourself "They are not the ones who have to live in my home and figure out a way to feed my children when he smokes up the grocery money." Of course it's hard to change the habits of a lifetime. I think many of us got into this mess because we didn't really trust our own instincts and desires, felt that the opinons of others was worth more than our own. Otherwise, we wouldn't have believed the A all those years, when he told us it was all our fault, that we would excuse his behaviour if we really loved him, that he's just a happy guy who likes to have fun and we are controlling b***s, when he told us...... Continue to stand up for yourself. It feels uncomfortable becasue you're not used to it, but you learned how to walk in high heels, you can learn this. Good Luck.
I could not relate more to your statement of "they're not the ones who have to live with..." I am in a very similar situation...I have been branded the b*** by my in laws and with my own family who are VERY naive to alcoholism and just recently found out about my A husband's problem they have been making me feel incredibly guilty about not giving it one more chance. (this is the same woman who's only vision of an alcoholic is someone who drinks every day)Nobody has lived through what I have lived through so they can't understand. I have learned that I have tried to "make" people understand but until you have walked in someone's shoes you can't tell them how to live their life. Keep making the right decisions for you and your children. You are doing great in my estimation and far from Powerless!
Remember to listen to how "you" feel. Nobody knows what you are going through but you. No one knows how you feel but you. Read, pray, and listen to your inner voice. If you listen to you it doesn't matter what other people think. Ask your HP for a sign, he will give it to you and you will know it is from him.
I've told you before you need to change your name! You're not Powerless.
Only you know how you really fill. They haven't walked in your shoes have they? If you know in your heart that you are doing the right thing, then to h.... with what other people think about it.
You are who you are. And you should be darned proud of yourself for making the tough decisions that you've had to make. What you did was incredibly gutsy. I'm not convinced that I would be able to do the same thing. You go right on living the way you think best. We're with you every step of the way.
Love and prayers.
Live strong, Karilynn
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
No one truly knows what it's like living in your home except you. Take the love and respect from those that give it to you and throw the other non-supportive stuff out.
You're right, it probably will get tougher before it's better...I'm going through the tough-stuff right now. But, sooo many of us here are going through it right beside you...so lean on us when you feel weak and like giving up.
I'm sorry -- I know this is a very hard time for you.
You're not Powerless.