i want to thank everyone for your kind replies to my post "in turmoil" a week ago.  your posts were right-on, and, of course, i have decided to stay, and not move back to my home town. 

my dad had to leave town again last weekend, so i went and stayed with my mom last weekend too.  i did a lot of things around the house those two weekends, plus had several good talks with my mom, and the guilt i have felt about not being there has lifted.  also, making the 'break', and leaving my a here alone two weekends in a row has given me more courage to go see my parents more often.  i still HATE what my a does while i'm away.  as he puts it...'when the cat's away, the mice will play'.  but the benefit of spending time with my family far outways the crappy feelings i have, knowing what my a did all weekend while i was gone.

i saw first-hand that my mom's days are numbered, either mentall, physically, or both, and i HAVE to make her and dad a priority.  it's just a matter of time before her mind completely goes somewhere else for good, and her body will quickly follow, i'm afraid.  she is the most wonderful woman alive, and it is so sad to see this happening to her.  but i made a really special card for my parents for 'grandparents day', and wrote them a letter, honoring both of them for all the values they have instilled in me and our family, and it was kind of like a 'getting all my ducks in a row' kind of thing...letting my parents know how i feel, how i honor them, respect them, thank them...for everything they have taught me.  i always tell them these things, but this letter was special, and..well, you know what i mean?  it's like, even tho you have love and honor and all that...these past two weekends and the letter just solidified it all. 

i truly believe hp ordained it all...them needing me to come and stay...because it accomplished many, many positive things.  positive things for myself, for my parents, for my a, for me and my a as a couple, for our son to spend two weekends there...on and on.   my son actually RAN into my dad's arms to hug him both weekends when we were leaving.  my dad doesn't display his feelings..altho it is obvious they run deep, by his actions.  and my son obviously felt this, and i think i heard the angels' wings flapping with joy both times i saw my son run to his grandpa and throw his arms around his waist!  and my dad bear-hugged back!  it was beautiful! 

anyway, thanks for your support and help.  i will keep you posted on the situation.  i honestly don't think it will be a whole lot longer before i post about my mom joining her loved ones who have passed, but who am i to predict that?  it just feels like hp is getting everything straightened out down here on earth before he brings her home to him.  so, i can even thank my mom and her illness for helping me break out of this isolating myself at home cuz i'm afraid to leave my a alone! 

ok, i'm done!~  thank you all...hp rules!!!

love,

lori