The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Well hello, this is my first time to your site. have been feeling overwhelmed the past week and to top it off I have missplaced or maybe have even lost my Courage to change book. I missed my meeting this week and it was the first one since I started the program back in May. I fell upon this program by the grace of an active "AA" member. Funny thing I never even thought such a group would be. I have grown up a child of an A and now is a" dry drunk", in my mind anyways, then I married a drunk, who is still active but Im no longer with, I left him over a year ago. My brother is a current member of AA but has relapsed acouple of times, but this time has just taken a 1yr cake.
9ms ago I met my current partner on an online date site and the funny thing was, we were chatting and all of a sudden he said I need to go, I have to go to a meeting and I was like, where to an AA meeting being all sarcastic and he said Yes as a matter of fact. I was so embarrased and then was even more surprised when he asked me for coffee the next day. We have been dating ever since our first night online and because of him I have come to Alanon. I truely believe that my angel and his were working together. We have many common interests and with his 15yr recovery he helps me to understand that my "X" is still in deniel and that I cant fix him. It also helps me to understand my dad and my brother who I have not been very supportive of.
Im rambling.....feels good to let it all out though. Iam struggling with being alone right now. I have my 3 little kids full time as the dad will take them on and off and even when he does I worry about his drinking. Then my relationship with my new guy is long distance right now as he did live close and is now away 3weeks at a time working in a diamond mine in the NWT. So I miss him and the new friendship we share. I have a hard time with the one day at a time thing and the let go and let god thing. I do have a sponsor and she helps me out too. What I seem to struggle with is the constant battle with my x and his behavior. He pulls me in time and time again. he lashes out at me and calls me names and just when I think I can handle it, I fall to pieces.
Since I have lost my book I have been even more at a loss, It is amazing how the words of another can give you comfort. So that is what I need, words of courage, strenght and wisdom. if you would like to share in return I would be forever greatful.
Have you tried our chat room....I know there are people in there right now! Just click on the link "Meeting/Chat room" on this page and sit back and wait a few minutes. A few screens will change and you will be there!
Hello Sunny, welcome and I hope ufind that book quick . hehe The words of another well it's all booze talk sunny so learn to detach from it, set some boundaries with your ex you don't have to listen to him abuse you , next time tell him to talk to you decently or your going to hang up the phone , or if f2f u will leave the room , it dosent take th em long to realize u can't argue in an empty room and don't worry about your kids they will learn from your behaivor and learn how to set boundaries for themselves and will learn to respect you because of them.
I hope you are going to as many meetings as u can ,this will help with the lonely u talk about, if this relationship continues u will need to have alife of your own while he is away and hobbies that help to pass the time,my husb worked away from home for yrs , which wasn't all bad we had a great time when he did get home . Keep commin back, find that book and read all you can on boundaries . good luck Louise
WELCOME..!! I found this site about 2 months ago and it has been such a blessing. I have met so many people who offer encouragement and words of wisdom.. I havent been able to go to many f2f meetings either. But visit this site DAILY..
I agree with you.. Letting Go and Letting God , is easy to say and HARD to DO.. I too am working on that.. I sounds to me like you have taken steps in the right direction.. Just keep focusing on YOU and keep coming BACK..
I sympathize with you about the partner being gone a lot - my husband has a job that takes him away for 2 weeks at a time (one week home) all winter, and then works on 24 hour call all summer - no knowing when or where he will be at any time. You get through it by making your own life, being able to go places and do things by yourself, treating your time with him as a bonus, rather than routine. It kept us together through 20 years of his drinking, that's for sure. I had no choice but to follow alanon principles, even before I knew there was such a thing, and live my own life.
About your ex, I suppose you have to have some contact with him because of your kids, but try to minimize it. At first it feels wrong and strange to walk away from someone who is abusing you, or to hang up the phone, but it gets easier. You don't want to be running out of the room crying, just say something like "I can't allow you to talk to me like that, call me when you can be civil." Eventually, people learn that they will only get to talk to you when they are willing to treat you properly. It really does work. And it feels so wonderful to take care of YOU, to not allow yourself to be bullied. What amazed me was how fast it began to work. Behaviour that had gone on for years and years disappeared so fast, once I stopped allowing it. I never realized that I had any power, I had always thought that all the power belonged to him. In reality, I had been GIVING him the power, without realizing it.
