The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
It is official! I have lost what little was left of my mind. I have gone crazy, completely around the bend. I fell into his crazy-making rollercoaster ride again. He says he can't live with my ten year old son anymore...I actually suggested that my son live with his father for a while. Mind you, never planned on letting my son go anywhere, just wanted to see what his reaction would be. He says that son cannot take any clothes, toys or personal items with him. THen he tells me that I don't have to make my son move out, he will leave. (This was my plan all along) THen tells me both can stay he will just go back over the road as a truck driver.
Am I crazy
1.) To say I am letting son move out
2.) To care that now hubby wants to move out
3.) To call my mother out of no where, tell her I hate her because she didn't ahve an abortion when she had me. Instead, she had put me up for adoption. I hung up on her and haven't answered the phone since.
4.) I am on a bunch of medicine including prednisone for bronchitis and feel like snowman poop
5.) I am actually considering an affair just to put some spark back into my life
Sounds like somebody needs a candlelit bubble bath and a trashy novel. Along with a dish of chocolate fudge. You recognize that it's crazy, that's progress. You'll do better tomorrow.
Powerlessness--you can't make someone stay who doesn't want to. Take care of YOU and your son. I have found that I am happiest when I speak the truth and try to be as truthful as I can in my words and actions. This is always a challenge for me. If I speak my truth and my A doesn't like it or can't deal w it, then that is his problem. I am taking care of me. It is up to me to find value in my life even though I am upset that my A has ruined the family that we used to have--it is he who has destroyed our unit through his drinking--but such is life--I didn't cause it (he is NOT a victim), I can't control it, and I can't cure it. My happiness must now be a result of my actions, and I take full responsibility for it.
Love and blessings to you and your son. Keep coming back here and posting. Annie
You're not insane. It's your life that just seems like a 3 ring circus and you're caught in the middle. Frankly, if he wants to go - let him. You can't stop him. (Your husband, not your son.) Space may be the best thing. Just because we want our As to move doesn't neccessarily mean that we stop caring for them, even a little. That's called being human.
I'll give you a hint about the prednisone, if you've never taken it before. It can make you feel totally nuts. I was on and off it for 3 years when I contracted severe poison ivy. It got into my lungs, and spread like wildfire. It'll also make you sun sensitive. So be careful. But it can make you feel like Jeckyl and Hide. I had a job back then that required me working outside all day. My A was my boss then (back in college) and he turned to compliment on the job I had just finished. My reaction was far from normal. It can make you a little nuts. They also use it to treat cancer patients with as a way of increasing their appetite after chemo. So on top of everything you've got on your plate, the meds might be affecting you.
Take care of you. Take that long bubble bath, eat lots of chocolate (hey the medical community has said that it's good for you! The calories don't count if you eat them while taking a bath. They wash away!) and who knows what today will bring?
Hugs to you and your children.
Live strong, Karilynn
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
