The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hang in there hax. Give things more time. I definately know how it feels to be left out, but know that things will get better for you. You will find new friends and places to hang out at where you feel accepted. It takes time. Heck, from k-12 I didnt have too many friends or places to go and feel accepted. It is only now that I am older that I do. Just remember everyone here is awlays glad that you came by. I will keep you in my prayers buddy, you can do this, just let HP guide you.
I am new to this forum, but long time in recovery. Sometimes people can really cut us to the bone. That's their problem, not yours. You are good enough and have self worth and recovery. That's what matters. I've been to some face to face meetings where I live and gotten the freeze out. Once I went to an unfamiliar, crowded meeting, and sat at a table with two women and three men. I listened to both of the women share and when it was my turn, one stuck up her nose and immediately got up and left, and the other left the table in the opposite direction 30 seconds later. It wasn't just that they left, it was the expression on their faces and their body language. I felt like I had been slapped! I stayed till the end of the meeting, then left, haven't tried that meeting since, even though it might have been different the next time. Life goes on, I go to different meetings, and have started checking things out here.
You are obviously an intelligent person with a good heart, and a desire to give support to others. What's inside is what really matters, not the "stuff" people accumulate on the outside. I enjoy your posts, and I'm rooting for you in your quest.
I am just up in Washington and have read your postings since your big move. I was a military dependent wife for 10 years and I have to tell you I know how hard it is to move somewhere new. I have learned in the last year, through counseling, my work (I'm a secretary at a treatment center), Alanon, and my daily life with my A, that I am right where I am supposed to be. I think you are too! The Pacific Northwest needs good people like you here! Hang in there, don't give up!
Rejection hurts wherever you are. I can encourage you that you are accepted in Alanon. When I've had a similar experience, I've asked HP to guide me to the path of people that could help me with what I needed at the time and it worked. I also know that "you may not like all of us, but may come to love some of us in a special way" can apply in some groups. Lean on HP for strength and keep posting. I'll ask HP to guide you too.
Hax, my friend, it sounds like now is a great time to use those boundaries you have taught me so much about, to rely on your sphinxlike skills of detachment, and to perhaps do two things my sponsor encourages me to do on a regular basis:
Take what you like and leave the rest
Learn from seeing what you see / what you do not want to be
Just like personal individual change in the recovering Al-Anon member promotes change in the dynamic of his or her toxic family atmosphere, the change that occurs when a healthy member enters an unhealthy group can be healing too. Changed attitudes can aid recovery. Can you change your attitude, or stick around til they change theirs? That's a question only you can answer. Time to get out that willingness gauge.
Sending you big love and happy thoughts, and feeling sorry for the people who are missing out on the spiritual greatness and 12 step enlightenment they are overlooking right underneath their noses. I can tell you that I am grateful for what you have shared with me since I found this group, and look forward to seeing you soon because you are one of the ones that has what I want, no matter what the other kids on the playground say.
I'm so sorry you're having a hard time in Portland. I've been in the area for most of my life and it's hard to hear of the alienation you're experiencing. I have been to a meeting or two that weren't a fit for me but I've been to some great ones too. I hope you keep your head up and keep trying different meetings. Tonight I went to my home ftf meeting in Hillsboro and was able to introduce a young co-worker to Ala-non. It was a great feeling to see her relief in her eyes after the meeting. She's ready for another meeting already! I credit you and everyone else here for helping me to get to the place to be able to help this girl. You got what it takes, hang in there.
