The Good in Step Ten

Step Ten says: "Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it." It does not suggest that we ignore what is right in our life. It says we continue to take a personal inventory and keep a focus on ourselves.

#####ROSIE.....yes, and funny i have been faced with a lot of stuff to keep me really needing to be aligned with step 10.....being attacked by my vicious and toxic brother forcing me to look within  *me*.....taking inventory on what i am thinking/ doing/ etc, seeing what things i still need to work on.  things i may only be able to manage rather than remove, etc,

When we take an inventory, we will want to look for many things. We can search out feelings that need our attention. We can look for low self-esteem creeping back in. We can look for old ways of thinking, feeling, and behaving. We can look for mistakes that need correcting.

#####ROSIE...yes, i am really feeling a lot of feelings lately.....i think the audio tapes i made to REprogram my mind, etc, are helping with my self esteem,  i no longer  *get on me* for mistakes,  i am more accepting of me,   AND,  i am actually back on my organic/ healhty diet.....no desire to  *junk out*  and be 15# over weight  (in my books anyway, i play tennis and this Xtra 15# is a lot)...yes,  REexamining my progress on  *how i am doing* with my *survival tools*  and yes,  i see stuff that i need to keep workin on....one step at a time...piece by piece

But a critical part of our inventory can focus on what we're doing right and on all that is good around us.

#######ROSIE.... AMEN...seeing what is right!!!!  like my  reply letter to my *hate mail*  from my brother whom, i confess, i  *loathe*   instead of focusing that yes, there is still hate/anger there...i am seeing that    i control that  hate/anger  rather than it controlling me....i had some stuff to say...i wanted to confront him....i did confront him.......now i am willing to  *turn it over*   and let hp take care of  him/it.....i can *manage*  the hate/anger  that may for the rest of my life come up...it may get triggered every now and than....but  *now*  i   am  aware--- i can accept it--- i can take right action by  managing it.......i won't stuff it...i won't deny it....but i shall with the help of my higher power--- MANAGE it

Part of our codependency is an obsessive focus on what's wrong and what we might be doing wrong - real or imagined. In recovery we're learning to focus on what's right.

######ROSIE....and this was me....lookin at the bad stuff,  never the good.....this past 2 days was good example....i know some folks didn't agree with what i said in that letter to my brother. and that is ok,  i asked for esh  and i learned a  lot from the few who answered me....however,  i see what was *good* in that exchange!!!  i was managing my  hate/anger....i controlled it.....AND  this is the great part......soon as i discharged it???? i could say  "ok,  god,   this one is for you...i am detaching"   and i have...i feel MUCH better today.......so yeah,  i see the good /  the bad  and the butt ugly,  i see it all....and i love me no matter WHAT......

Look fearlessly, with a loving, positive eye. What did you do right today? Did you behave differently today than you would have a year ago? Did you reach out to someone and allow yourself to be vulnerable? You can compliment yourself for that.

######ROSIE.....yes,   i am willing to look at me with a positive eye......i had 2 coors last night and thought  "ok rosie,  you got your stuff off your chest....now you are willing to turn over to hp  (good one)  and you talked with your sponser (another good one)"     today is very young,  but the  right thing i did was say  "ok,  lord  help me be a blessing".......oh yeah, i am *way*  diferent than a year ago.....i would have gotten all spun out over jim's hate mail. and ruminated on it,,  and i would NOT have asked god to send him the holy spirit....never would have.....i really  as much as i can't  STAND him, i was able  to ask god to reveal himself to him.......i reached out to my sponser,  i had to admit shit that was not the best,  but i did....yes,  all in all i did this ok....i learned that i may *always"  have   *some*  hate/anger  crop up/trigger....but the good news is!!!!   i can   manage it.....i control it....not the otherway around like last year ....i do feel better today...my serenity although for a bit was shaken,   i applied the program tools and got it back  *pronto*

Did you have a bad day but dealt effectively with it? Did you practice gratitude or acceptance? Did you take a risk, own your power, or set a boundary? Did you take responsibility for yourself in a way that you might not have before?

3#####ROSIE....yes, see above.....i am *grateful*  i have a good  verbal sponser and on line sponser....i am grateful that i am growing/ progressing........i took the risk of telling people what i did in the letter to him,  i risked criticism/ disagreement,  but so what??? i had to do it....i do not seek approval anymore,  oh my loved ones i want to be proud of me,  but what the heck, i can't be good all the time.......i set boundaries where needed....and yes, i take responsibility for my own actions.......

Did you take time for prayer or meditation? Did you trust God? Did you let someone do something for you?

#####ROSIE....yes,  i talk with hp  each day....last night more than the rest because i was *turning over someone i cannot stand*  and had the  *confrontation* with.......i trust that god will take care of it all....i have faith in the  *process* of my recovery......and i let my loved ones comfort me over this....

Even on our worst days, we can find one thing we did right. We can find something to feel hopeful about. We can find something to look forward to. We can focus realistically on visions of what can be.

#####ROSIE....yep,  i look for the thing i can say  "good girl" over, not just the crap i did wrong.....and when i   do wrong, i don't get on me about it,  i try to learn,   ask hp what am i needing to work on......i did this because sep 1 was kind of stressful too,  the brake lights in my truck kept shorting out and i was trying to get my inspection sticker...at first i did the old *fighting life*  thing,  than i STOPPED.....prayed.....asked others about it.....did research.....and i found the problem...there were 2 wires to the old camper brake light that were touching and causing a short....i capped them off....problem gone!!!!!  but yeah, i am applying the program tools  *so*  much better......i am an emotional person by nature i believe,  i think i am demonstrative in my emotions to a degree....i can be cool, but i can be emotional too....and i allow myself to be in what mode i need to be in.......so there are times i gotta  *let the feelings fly*    than its time to hunker down...work program....take care of me

God, help me let go of my need to stay immersed in negativity. I can change the energy in my environment and myself from negative to positive. I will affirm the good until it sinks in and feels real. I will also strive to find one quality that I like about someone else who's important to me, and I will take the risk of telling him or her that.

#######ROSIE.....yep,  prayed this very thing last night...today is much better!!! i am serene,  life is ok,  i am doing ok,   i am prepared to make today the best i can......i *can*  change my karma from negative to positive with my  attitude/ my perception of me/ god/ life  and i am progressing.....oh yeah,  told my sponser this am, that she was my lighthouse over the stormy seas......i told my big sister, that she was my rock,  my best friend,  and my nurturing mama when i need her to be.....yep,  i have some GREAT people in my life......and i am grateful............

thank you ,  done    rosie