This is going to be pretty hard to type, I really don't know any of you guys but I just wanted to share my story.  The last time I posted was 3 weeks ago today, I had a question about making a phone call and turning my husband in (he was ordered to attend outpatient treatment and to not drink at all, they wanted me to call if I thought he was drinking) anyways, regardless of that I did not make the call, by the time I left for work I had not received any responses to my question so I just left it at not calling.  I got home about 5:05 (half hour later than normal because I stopped at the grocery store), my husband was passed out on the living room floor (I've seen that many times before so I thought nothing of it), I could see he was breathing because he was making weird noises like he was snoring or something.  I put away the groeceries and did some other stuff around the house, I went downstairs about 5:45 to put some clothes in the washer, I know he was still breathing because I could hear him, he had also flipped over onto his stomach.  I came up stairs and the phone rang, it was his parents calling to see how he was doing, I said well he's drunk and they were upset, they also knew he wasn't suppose to drink, I came back in the house (I had gone outside to talk on the phone), set the phone down, looked over at my husband (thank God his head had been facing me otherwise I probably never would have looked at him for quite a while longer), his face was completely purple and his legs were turning purple, I immediately called 911 and the lady was trying to tell me how to do cpr (yeah right a hysterical person trying to give cpr!!), 5 minutes later the cops and paramedics show up, it took them over 20 minutes to get a pulse and his heart going, they were all there for almost an hour and then rushed him to the hospital, the first night they had ran a bunch of tests and said there didn't appear to be any brain activity, apparently anything over 4 minutes without a heartbeat or pulse was a very bad thing, he was without both for about 25 to 30 minutes.  The next day they did more tests and said his chances are very bad, he appeared to be brain dead.  Well Thursday afternoon at 4:00 pm he was pronounced brain dead.  This was just unbelievable to me, it still is, it still doesn't seem real.  I am extremely grateful that I had found this site about a month previously, before that I had a ton of anger and resentment against my husband, I used to think that if he really loved me he would quit drinking.  I have relized through this site that that is not true, we didn't cause it, can't cure it and can't control it.  I learned to not let his drinking bother me as much as it normally did, I didn''t try to control it anymore, didn't look to find his bottles, didn't ask how much he had been drinking, etc, etc....  I learned to like the days I had with him when he decided not to drink, not be angry with him.  Oh I forgot to say that my husband died of a heart attack, he also aspirated and had a bac of .62.  There are a lot of things that have me thinking if he knew it was going to happen.  After talking to a lot of people at the funeral, I learned that he made many, many phone calls to friends that day, he was always on the phone constantly but that day ever more than normal, he called people he hadn't talked to in months, it's just really weird the things people were telling me, he even made amends with my son the day before for the way he has treated him.  I don't know my whole point to telling this story other than I'm very thankful that I found this site before he passed away.  Even if you are having problems with your A, whoever that may be, still love them, maybe try and help them as much as possible, I know it's not our problem to deal with but maybe for some A's they need the extra shove or push, maybe if my husband would have gone into inpatient treatment instead of outpatient, he would still be here today, but then again maybe once he got out he would be worse than ever??  You never know I guess. 

I have a lot of unanswered questions that will probably never be answered but I just wanted to share my story, this is a story that I never imagined I would have to tell.  When I came here I thought things would eventually get better, not worse, but I think it would be a lot harder for me to cope right now if I would not have found this site first, for that I'm thankful.

Kristi