The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Have you ever looked at your family and wondered what planet they came from? And how they are possibly related to you. Well I just came from another family get together, we have a lot of those. I have a big family and we all live near eachother, so we get together for every reason known to man. Plus they all like to "party" and as you all know, there is always an excuse to party if you want to. They are so different from me and my sister. They are bleeding heart liberals, and my sister and I are conservative republicans. They are so judgmental towards everyone and everything, and we are not. Everytime we get together I have to deal with comments here and there about everything I am doing in my life and with my son. My son is 2 and when we are at a strange place (my Aunt's new house) I let him have his pacifier for comfort. My grandmother made so many comments it was like it was actually physically painful for her to see him with it. I wanted to tell her, if it's that bad to her than she doesnt need to look at him. And my grandmother also makes comments about how he still hasnt figured out how to bite off peices of things, so I break things up for him. I mean, is it really that big of a deal. Is he gonna die if he doesnt learn? And another thing, we all got together to give my sister presents for passing her appraisal exam, and we are all sitting around the couch and someone gets up to fill up all the drinks because they want to do a toast. And because I'm pregnant and I guess only the alcoholic drinks get to be refilled, my sister stands up to go get me another drink. And my mother yells at her to sit down, and she doesnt right away cause she wants to get me a drink, so everyone gets on her to sit down and she gets frusterated because of the way they are doing it. And my mother rips my glass out of her hand and says that she'll do it and to sit down. So now my sister takes a seat near me and she's, of course, aggrivated. And all I can think is that that was completely unnessecary and what do they think, that the presents will evaporate into thin air if she didnt sit at that very second? Why do things have to be so complicated. My other Aunt just came back from Oregon for a vacation and she took 5 rolls of film. And she had to make sure that everyone had seen every single picture. She would go around asking how many rolls did everyone see, and if you said 4 she would make you look through to make sure of which ones you didnt see. And like I said we have a big family. It is just amazing how important all this crap is to them. I find myself asking "are these people even human?" The things that are detrimental to them are so trivial. And I guess the new "Bush Bashing" thing, is that he's prejudice. And my liberal family of course jumps on that and starts the insults and bashing, when I hear the "N" word come from there mouths all the time. How hypacritical do they have to get to where they even see it? Or are they so much in denial that it's hopeless. I hate steriotypes and so does my sister and we have to hear about them all the time from our family. How did we turn out so different from these people? Who are these people?
Kimme, Don't give up on all of us "bleeding heart liberals." Not all of us are that bad. They give liberals a bad name. As for "Who are these people?" I askded myself that question lots of times when I use to get together with my relatives. I use to get the "When are you going to grow up, get married, and have children?" As if being 40 something with a good job, being independent and living on my own wasn't proof enough. You know who you are, and what a good person you are. That's all that counts. If it makes you miserable to be around them, then don't be around them. I'm not suggesting that you become a hermit. But if recovery is about taking care of you, and this only adds to your misery, then step away. I made that decision about 10 years ago to step away from a group of relatives that were doing nothing but dragging me down. It was the most liberating thing I ever did. Unfortunately I have no parents or grandparents left. I lost my Mom 23 years ago, and my Dad 6. But they taught me some very valuable lessons. Mainly that no matter what, if you believe in yourself and who and what you are, then that's what counts. As long as you're not out killing people or stuff like that, then who are other people to judge you? If you choose to live with an A, then that's your business. Is support, love, friendship and all that other good stuff important? You bet. But when you lay your head down at night and know that your child is safe and good, and the other people you love are the same, that's all that counts. You have to be comfortable in your own skin. My A is a republican and I've loved him for more than 20 years. People may say that the way that we are going about handling things are wrong. They may judge me for never getting married. But those are my choices and nobody elses. True family and friends who love you wouldn't upset you so much. When my sister gets under my skin, I walk away and keep my distance. It doesn't mean that I don't love her or her husband who is an A, or my nieces. It means that at this time and place, it may not be the best thing for us to be around each other. We are the type of sisters that seem to do better when we don't see or talk to each other as much. She's the only immediate family I have left and there are times I start to feel guilty about the lack of closeness. But I can't dwell on that. All I can do is to do what is right for me. If that means time away from them, then so be it. Be true to yourself and who you are. I realize now that my parents were trying the best they could. It wasn't perfect, not by a long shot. But they were always true to who they were. That was the best role models I could have had. Remember what Thoreau said: If a man does not keep pace with his companions. Perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer.
Let him step to the music he hears, however measured or far away.
You do what you have to do, and feel is right. Stay true to who you are. You'll be just fine. Your HP and you will see to that. I have faith in you.
All the best, karilynn
__________________
It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
