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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Hi I need to ask something
Post Info TOPIC: Hi I need to ask something
RDP2976


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Hi I need to ask something
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Hi,


  I need to ask something? Why is it that I want to get my A back for all he has put me through I will try any thing just to hurt him like he hurts me I know its not right to do but I do it any ways. Why I want to stop but everytime he pushes my buttons I just want to get revenge on him and make him feel bad. Why can't I stop this? Well thats all.


                                                                                        Thanks For Being here,


                                                                                        ROBYN



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debilyn


~*Service Worker*~

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hi Robyn. ya know i don't know if it is important what makes you do it, but more
how can we change that behavior.

I guess when we learn and really believe it is a disease, and they are not being
obnoxious on purpose, we no longer feel so angry.

I suppose it is natural to want revenge when we believe someone is hurting us
on purpose. But believe me, the A isn't. Suppose that if the A feels what we feel
they would stop. Believe me, they want to. The guilt they feel, kills them.

The book, "Getting Them Sober" is a wonderful book. It will help you so much.

When my A was out of it, I learned to picture a wad of cancer yapping. Nothing he
said hurt me much anymore.

Just yesterday, his personality of the obnoxious needy child came out. I finally
just said, " I don't want to hurt you, but I have to go, Goodbye" and hung up.

there are times i just will not give the disease any energy.

So anyhooo maybe this will help some. I have been where you are, and it is so much
easier when ya realize it is a diseased brain talking, when we get mad, or want
revenge we are giving that worthless disease power over us.

I also have been saying, YOu have no power over me lately...it helps.

love,debilyn

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"If wishes were wings,piggys would fly."
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megan


~*Service Worker*~

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Hi Robyn


I found alanon last july when I was in very bad pain.


I was living with a late stage 24/7 drinker. And my life was horrible. My life was chaos, insanity.


I yelled at him, kicked him, belittled him, cried and threatened. And still he drank.


I came to alanon to cure my husband of drinking.


My awful behaviour towards him had not made a bit of difference in his drinking and I was ashamed of my own behaviour and lack of control.


I WAS CRAZY from HIS drinking. And MAD I wanted my life back.


I learned about detachment in alanon. How not to be so consumed about my husbands drinking.


How to take care of myself and give my alcoholic the dignity to take care of himself.


It is working.


I am very happy and very busy and working hard on my recovery.


My alcoholic? he is doing online AA, still drinking some, reading the books on AA that I had left around, and I KEEP OUT OF IT.


My stuff, my life, have become so full I don't have the bandwidth to live his life for him too.


Keep coming back.


Now off to the post office, I have been trying to get there all week....


in recovery


megan


 



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Megan If you want things you never had you need to do things you have never done
sanddie


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When I began to feel that way just slightly with my ex A... that is when I broke it off the final time.   The LAST thing I wanted was to destroy and lose the love that I had for him because of our incompatibility issues--  it was obvious his lifestyle was to drink and mine was not and I loved him enough to let go, as painful as it was to do so.  I did not want to hurt him as he hurt me because I knew that him hurting me really wasn't intentional, yet our worlds clashed because of what was important in his life and what was important in my life.  Knowing this, I walked away and can appreciate the love I will always have for him in my heart and hope that his life will be good for him someday. 


For the first time, because of my choice, I can have peace knowing that I did what was right and because it was a self-less kind of love-- I'm not quite sure if he realizes this, but continue to pray that he does realize I did what I did because I love him so much. 



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Annie


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Posts: 149
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I believe that "revenge" is a negative thing, and I want nothing in my life that will contribute to that.  When my A does things to hurt his family because he is so selfish, we all try to be as positive as we can and not sink to his level.  That is a real challenge.  Don't hurt your outlook--take care of you and keep a positive outlook on your life.  When you start getting involved in things that will affect you, your attention will not be so much on the A.  Take care of YOU.  Stay close to all the positive things in life.  Love and peace, Annie

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