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My husband finally crashed into someone in his big-rig. He rearended the guy, not even knowing what happened when I asked him.(Probably fell asleep). When he called me I was trying to get my kids off to school and I had to run outside and get our car's liscence plate number because he worked something out with the guy to use our car insurance to pay for the damage instead of having to report to his boss he got in a wreck. Cuz guess what? SURPRISE!! He is dirty and they automatically send you down to test for drugs when you get into an accident in the company's truck. Thank God the guy was not hurt, my A just tapped him but dammit what if????? I don't even want to think about it. He would be fired of course and it woould be on his record as a driver and blah blah blah. I wish that he would get into that trouble because maybe he would hit his bottom. But he has been through so much crap that you would think he had hit bottom, but not him. I am convinced that he is one of those lifelong users like my Dad.
Also, he is supposed to report to his parole officer tomorrow and he is dirty. I told him maybe this is an opportunity to get some help. He starts crying and says he doesn't want to leave us again and he's really sorry. But does he mention getting help? No....Basically I do not expect anything to change.
My daughter is going to a therapist and I am very involved and the counselor may be able to help our family she says, so that gives me some hope. Of course i am hoping he will follow my lead to a better life but I'm not holding my breath. If me and my children have to go on without him, so be it. Whatever is best for them.
I am under a lot of stress right now so thanks for listening I have no idea if this made any sense but thanks guys
julie i am so sorry you are going through this......i was there, in your shoes with my X...i gave him a date on the calandar on which he was to "get help, or i am gone" he didn't get help, i packed up and left.....i will never again live with ANY of the 3 "A's" adultery (i don't think he did) abuse ( even verbal like his) AND addictions......(his was alcohol) he got into wrecks, smashed up our new toyota....i began keeping my OWN checking account...protect my credit...my own car, my insurance, i kept all my stuff separate, he wrecked his credit, mine stayed intact, cuz i protected MY stuff.....finally i just couln'dt stand the teary promises, that he loved me/ would "do better" all that crap...
i said to hell with this....get help or i am gone.....he didnt i did!!! please take what works and leave the rest
I am sorry for all the drama yours is putting you through. I keep wishing mine A would get caught too!!! But he hasn't, I am starting to believe my HP has different plans for him, that he will have to hit rock bottom some other way. Sad part is, I don't think I will stick around to watch. Hang in there! Know that so many people care about you!
This sounds so similar to something that happened to us once. We ended up paying for some guy's bodywork out of our pockets, because if it was reported to insurance, it would come out that it was a company truck he was in, drunk of course.
My A told me that he used to wish that he would get arrested, because going to jail was the only way he could think of to kick his addiction. He ended up getting caught in charge of a company truck while in the bar, and his boss gave him the option, "get help or get out" (he is a fairly valuable employee, been with the company 20 years and knows all aspects of the job inside and out - I am sure if he were a younger man with less experience, there would have been no choice, just "Get out"). He went for help, and was ready - he's been sober since. Just last night we were talking on our way to a meeting, and he said that he knew he needed help, but just could not see any possible way to get it. Even now, two and a half years into his program, the idea of just putting it down and walking away, walking into an AA meeting instead, doesn't occur to him as a viable option, something he could have done. They hold onto their addictions with all their strength, so afraid of life without them. It's when you see that fear under all their bluster and lies, that you can feel some compassion for them, start to get some detachment. I spent most of the time when my husband was active, either being afraid of or mad at him. When he was behaving well, I just pretended that everything was fine. It was only when I began to see what a poor sad sorry SOB he really was, that I started to get better.
So proud of you Julie, you really are working the program, taking care of you and the kids. Really happy to hear that your sister is getting better, too. Hope you have a good visit with her.
I am sorry that you have to go through this. Watching him slide dow hill hoping he will soon reach his bottom, not knowing what it will be, what it will take. It is so hard. Please remember that we are here for you.
Much Love,
__________________
"Today's problems can not be solved if we still think the way we did when we created them" -Albert Einstein
You sound like an intelligent and thoughtful person and I can tell you are strong and will do whatever is best for your family. My life is a mess right now and I wish I were handling it with such a good attitude as you. I'm working at it. Somedays are better than others. My best wishes to you and all of us.
I have no idea if this made any sense but thanks guys