well good ole God has to use handcuffs and duct tape,  but i am so glad to be in this program......below is my esh on the "hope for today"

Hope for Today - August 31

     I am the adult child of two alcoholics.  Before I
came into Al-Anon, I had no dreams or hope.  I saw
my life through my husband's drinking.  I had heard
about Al-Anon, but couldn't conceive how it could
help me. 

#######ROSIE...i am too,  and up until recovery i had NO hope  NO dreams unless i was fantasizing  NO help   NOTHING but despair and "when is this life gonna be over"    drinking/ doing tranquilizing drugs and waiting to die!!!!!  i saw my life as "dante's inferno"...i saw ME  through the eyes of my abusers......i had heard also about al anon and 12 steps, but thought you had to be a skid row drunk in order to qualify.......i had NO clue it held the keys to release from my emotional and mental prison

As long as my husband was still drinking
and had no intentions of stopping, how could going
to meetings and focusing on myself make a
difference in my life?  My existence felt like an
out-of-control whirlwind that nothing could stop.
    

#######ROSIE...as long as i saw no hope,  was unwilling to reach OUT for help,  how would i find out about the 12 steps???? i discovered it through a friend of mine who was trying to stop me from my suicide...we made a deal!!!   "12 steps for THIRTY days....if i didn't see any hope..i could go on with my 'exit'  from life"  i said  "ok,  what the hell, i am only gonna be here for another months,  so why not???""

 I decided to go to a meeting and do whatever
they suggested.  "What could it hurt?" I asked
myself.  I attended meetings regularly whether or
not I felt like it. 

#######ROSIE..i went to the meeting and got into a bad group!! but i STILL saw the merits in this....i read the  "courage to change" book  and "from survival to recovery"  books before i went to the meet,  and during the meet i shared...got X talked by the  "host"   i had to tell her "i am not DONE yet-- excuse me--i DO have my 5 min"   and she shut up/ allowed me to share...the gal next to me broke out laughing and sqeezed my hand because she got the same treatment,  and  so that was my experience on  f2f meets.....i went on line, because i was the salmon swimming up stream now...i got a  "taste" of this and i craved more...only in a diferent way...i joined on line groups...got into  online "chat meets"   also pal talk meets.  hell i  go to  ALL the 12 steps meets.   why not??? i abused alcohol so i go to the AA   i go to ALL of them,  i am a FOUR time winner....AA...coda....ACOA...Al-anon........i beat the devil FOUR times....so i MUST have a purpose here.....there are times i don't feel up to the meets, but i GO....and i ALWAYS am glad i went.....

 I asked someone to be my sponsor
and started applying the slogans and Steps to my
life. 

######ROSIE....well my male sponser kinda fell on me,  he was the one who "caught me tryin to exit this earth"   and i have an online sponser who has similiar experiences as me and i have a  "phone to phone" lady sponser who also shares similiar experiences......my male sponser who got me here, is basically unavailable to me most of the time.....he changes women almost as much as i change my socks,  now that he is  "currently in love again"   i wish him the best,  but  i gotta  face facts....he was in my life to save my life,  now its time to work with my  on-line and my   phone to phone sponsers and its working out great.....my main sponser is the lady one i call!!!!!  she helps me with ideas onloving myself....she turned me on to the  "my voice tape cassette  my voice to me loving affirmations"  tape....adn it is working...i may not agree with her 100% and that is ok...i respect her IMENSLY and i listen to her you better believe i listen!!!   she has been in recovery for YEARS and knows the process a hell of a lot more than i....but she is NOT my hp,   and we CAN disagree,  but always with love and respect.....

when i was still "agnostic" about this program my sponser told me "Perhaps you could try believingthat *I* believe."  I decided to lean on my sponsor's
faith in the program until I could develop some of
my own.
    

######ROSIE..yep there were times when i wanted to QUIT....i was TOO screwed up , i thought!!!!! that is when my sponser came up with the  "now you are ready to deal with these LAST layers---the YOU of you"   enter the casette tape......and she also told me i could "borrow" some of HER faith in the program, and i did....i leaned on her  and learned

 After a few months, I was able to call my sponsor
and tell her I no longer needed to rely solely on her
faith because I had my own!  After giving the
program a real, fair chance by applying it to my life,

######ROSIE....now i can call my sponser and say  "hey guess what???? i can believe in this program NOW"....she was delighted....we talk...we share....i do her sugesstions because the lady is one of the most dedicated people to the program and to her recovery adn to helping me, i am really lucky to have  the program,  my god,  my inner child,  AND my sponser to  "get on my case AS needed"   in working the program......now i give the program  my  trust/confidence.....i KNOW this program was created by the "forces of light".....for the FIRST time i can FEEL a  loving/helping/caring/benevolent/friendly  higher power.......

I had gathered an impressive collection of my own
miracles and spiritual awakenings.  This came about
by living one day at a time, practicing faith, and
working our simple but difficult Steps.  Today I am
grateful to be alive, strengthened by my ever-
growing belief and faith in my Higher Power, the Al-
Anon program and myself.

#######ROSIE....yes, onward and upward i go....learning and healing and seeing my growth and my change....i am finding the REAL me,  the "who i was"  BEFORE the evil.....living one day at a time,  realizing that i am "perfectly imperfect"  and practicing faith even if i don't hve it, i  "fake it till i make it"  and doing the steps, i LOVE the steps,   my  "life 101"  and the slogans , i say them all the time,  it is becomming  almost "natural" for me to apply the program tools  when life hands me  good or bad,  it doesn't matter,   ONEDAY at a TIME......i am keeping my emotional sobriety, living ODAT....i can stay in the present better......i work the steps on ALL aspects on my life....i journal the literature,   share on group/  meets/  today i am GRATEFUL to be here and to have overcome the god awful  way i used to  think/ believe/ behave.....i am learning i CAN trust in my HP,  and the program  and  ,  yes,   ME!!!! 

Thought for the Day
     Without Al-Anon I would be on a dead-end road.
Instead, my path is one of belief in the gift of
recovery.

 ######ROSIE....oh yeah,   without this program,  i was toast!!!!  i don't want to even THINK of my  "BP"  days  (before program).....the REST of my life is   what counts!!!!   TODAY   and on!!!! make my "today's"  good, tomorow will take care of itself....

      ". . . I have grown into a believer who daily
       thanks my Higher Power and asks for help."
             *The Forum*, May 1998, p. 8
  ----------
#######ROSIE.....yep,   alignment  AND cooperation  with my HP,   i look withIN  to my "christ within"  which connects me to the   "universe,  source, creator, "   and AS i align myself and cooperate with the source,  life is hopeful now,   i got a decent chance now at some happiness....thank you  DONE!!!   ROSIE