The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I actually had a pretty uneventful weekend. My A did his thing and I did mine. We did spend some time together on Saturday. Ran a couple errands and watched T.V. in the evening. He golfed yesterday and I spent most of the day with my mom. (her birthday is today! She is 82!) I love my mother so much, she is a role model in so many ways and then I also see where my enabling comes from. LOL My A and I had some quality time together so why do I still feel so lonely? I still feel very alone and isolated. Will this ever go away?
I to know the lonliness that comes along with alcoholism. I throw myself inot many activities so that I don't feel it, but it is still there. I just work on me, do things I enjoy, and treasure the moments I have with him. I am not sure how to get past the lonliness, and look forword to reading the repies to your post.
Just wanted to let you know that you are not alone.
Much Love,
__________________
"Today's problems can not be solved if we still think the way we did when we created them" -Albert Einstein
My recovering A moved out June 1. My last son went to college last week. It is lonely and is hard for me because I grew up lonely. What I am realizing is that my love avoidant husband just wasn't there for me. With him really gone, it is not much different then when he was really here - "I'm going to the office, I have to finish my work, I'm going to read the paper, I forgot something, I'm teaching two night classes, I'm teaching out of town, I'm going golfing......".
So I am trying to identify what makes me feel lonely and when are the loneliest times like Saturday night. I live in a rural area and so many people leave to go to town. So the dogs sleep in on Saturday night! I have my hot bath on Sunday. I am calling friends more and actually opening up. And I do go to f2f meetings when possible and I come to this site which is a godsend.
I am coming to believe that this is just part of life. I still love my husband very much but I cannot allow him to treat me so poorly. You know that they are there but they really aren't there for us. We have to not abandon ourselves and truly come to love ourselves.
It seems like i couldn've written that post. My a husband and I spend very little time together on the weekends. That is if I have it my way though. He goes golfing both mornings, I sleep in. Then we do the grocery shopping, and then he watches golf on tv.
I think I feel lonely because we don't really connect. I do miss the relationship we used to have. I don't think it can ever be what it used to be.
I do alot on my own. I've found new activities that he doesn't want to share. We don't seem to have any couple friends anymore and he gets jealous of the time I spend with my friends. I hope you have ways to enjoy your own time. I've tried so many new things in the last few years and have really enjoyed myself. Coming here really helps too. It's nice to see there are people who really can relate.
(((HUGS))) Mary! I too know how you feel. I am dealing with a recovering A and it seems to still be the same. His focus is always on him. Will it ever get better? I don't know. I would like to think so.
In the meantime I feel so lonely and wonder if I will ever be fulfilled with our relationship. Even when we are together I still feel that same sense of lonliness and isolation that you were talking about.
I hope you are able to find some peace and happiness! This road is long and tough and I am thankful there are people here who we can find support and comfort in. Hope things get better for you...more ((HUGS))
I used to tell myself that if I ever got divorced that I would never marry again or even have a relationship because it is simply not worth it to me. But now that I am healing a little with Alanon, I totally know how you feel. I want to have a connected relationship with someone who really gets ME. I had one like that once and it was beautiful and worth it, even though I lost it. All of the things we go through with our spouses it's no wonder why we sometimes feel lonely! In a sense, they aren't really "there" all the way. And they usually are so into themselves when they do think about things they can never fully be there for US. Communication is so vital to a healthy relationship and when you don't have it, things become so confusing and disconnected, for me at least. I don't know my mom always tells me "Men are just different from us, they don't really need the talking like we do". I don't know if this is true for everybody but I have found that it is partly so. And this disease is so disasterous!!! So combine the alcohol with the noncommunication and you get what? Feelings of isolation and lonliness? Could be....
Sorry honey, hope you feel better soon. And a big Happy Birthday to your mom from me!!!
