The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today I am finding myself angry...Yesturday I was angry as well....I have been haveing trouble sleeping and when I get up in the a.m. I find myself angry...not a good way to start your day.... I shared a couple of weeks ago that My brother has picked up again and has been drinking for awhile now...I was sad and confused and I turned to alanon...I have gone to meetings online and f2f meetings and I am reaching out and trying to keep the focus on me.... I have learned alot from many already in the past couple of weeks and have found some peace of mind and support here....So much to my dismay that I would feel so ANGRY these past couple of days.... My husband and I got a puppy this winter and he has been a joyous addition to our family and my daughter adores him. ( A messy joy but a joy non the less) He is alot of work and it is just like haveing another child....My husband and I work out a routine which works for the dog and our schedual...my husband leaves at 5:00am so he walks the dog and feeds him and allows him to stay out side on a generous run....He loves it...when I leave for work and to bring my daughter to preschool I check on him give him plenty of water , he has shade, food and a cozy dog house with toys.....I check the weather daily to check for heat advisories to see if I should bring him in for the work day or not .....and If it gets hot I only work 10 min away so I can come home and put him in....So there's a little background, Now this past weekend I am woken up by a ringing phone and an officer saying can I please step out of my home, my heart sank ...I IMMEDIATELY THOUGHT IT HAD TO DO WITH MY BROTHER "A"....... I repeat it back to him and he says yes please step out of my home....My husband was at work and my 4 yr. old was home with me ...I had to convince her to stay inside .....I step out side expecting to see a police man or car...but I do not ....I see animal control ......I was releaved at first that it had nothing to do with my brother and thought that my dog must have become unhooked from his leash...I walk around back and see an officer with my dog and my dog is fine....He proceeds to tell me that someone called and complained twwice That I was neglecting our dog ...in the heat ..on a short leash....no water no food....OMG....the officer could clearly see that this was not the case and it was unfounded but what a horrible thing to be accused of....and I felt like someone was watching me.....very upsetting.....This made me angry....But what I didn't think of untill today was how Ironic that someone was watching and accusing me of something and Judgeing me......What I have done to my brother and his drinking.....I remembered what someone told me from alanon about trying not police your "A" and what he is doing and now I learned first hand how it feels.. Not to good..... Life's little lesson. I was upset with myself for jumping to conclusions about the call from an officer would involve my bother. I have alot on my plate and I am trying to sort it out and work it out ....keeping the focus on me and I am trying work out my feelings about it all...I think I am a little angry that My brother is sick ...but I have to identify it turn it over so I don't lash out ...I found myself doing that at work and with my husband...Reality check.....I am a work in progress.. Thanks for being out there , have have been relateing to alot of stories posted and shared and touched by many as well....You are all in my prayers and thoughts Your friend in recovery, Wendi
Wendi sounds like you are in a bad "rut" right now. I know it sucks. I go into them sometimes and everything seems more than it is, and it's just one thing after another. Murphy's Law-when it rains it pours. But this too shall pass and hang in there until it does, one day at a time. And keep busy, do something for you. Take long walks, go to the mall, take a long bubble bath (my personal favorite). just hang in there and know that things will get better.
I can sure remember those days of anger when I was brand new in Alanon. Be assured it's a normal feeling many of us had. Took a long time to get to where we were before we came to Alanon...it'll take time to change and lose the anger, etc. also. It does sound like you're learning a lot already. Hang in there, it does get better!!
Luv, Kis
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Let your light shine in the darkness. "I can't just bring my mind to meetings...I must also bring my heart."
