Question about crying..... - Al-Anon Family Group

catherine · Member

Question about crying.....

kerry5 · Senior Member

In my opinion which i too hate to cry with a passion. it makes me feel weak or dumb or something not sure which. But i realized that and been told many times that tears heal. And since you havent cryed much, its like any other emotion if you leave it in all the time its bound to come out. There is no shame in crying we do it for a reason lol. They heal us. In happiness or sadness or whatever else. I used to turn sadness right into anger and still do if i think im going to cry. But i have been crying a little more lately and it didnt kill me lol.

wallsal55 · Senior Member

I think I learned growing up --that I cried very eesily--I felt my emotions deeply---the other kids at school never seemed to have that problem. (I had Seas. Aff. Dis. as a kid, too and didn't know it) Anyway, i think I felt I was somehow 'different' and I should try to hold it in. I was ashamed that I was the only one who could bawl at the drop of a hat in grades 1 -5 once I got good and tired, or disheartened.

But I think I learned from John, here, that crying is cleansing. We are supposed to have a good cry. There's all that talk about the salt in tears, but I think there's been more studies about crying that causes chemical changes in the brain, etc. that cleanses, releases, so that the good 'brain chemistry, chemicals can get back to doing their job. I find that crying helps me "Let It Go". So now whene I tear up, I don't hold anymore! I actually see how long I can let the tears flow. And of course, in a publlic place, a bathroom or lounge is a safe place to go. Thank God for the bathroom! Hope This Helps! ((((((((((((Hugs)))))))))))

wallsal55 · Senior Member

P.S. - I did have a problem with PMS-PMDD, I had waterry, teary eyes, all the time, cried all the time. The only way I could control this was with natural progestone and a good physician or endocronologist familiar with this hormone www.womeninternational.com www.sarafem.com Also, I had a thyroid imbalance which had my moods every which way and crying, too. A good checkup with a doc is a great place to start when crying is a symptom to rule out any physical illness. Believe me, I had the thyroid imbalance and was borderline diabetic and PMDD after my husband's a;alcoholism. This disease can kill--no matter what side of the fence you are on --alanon or AA! ((((Double Hug))))

kathy570 · Senior Member

Dear Catherine,

I too don Not cry. Kerry put it perfect. I am also ACOA & recovering A. I think it is because of our past and something we must learn to let ourselves feel again.

Your in my Prayers. God Bless

Yours in Recovery

Kathy570

twinmom2 · ~*Service Worker*~

Katherine

Interesting topic.... I also had a problem allowing myself to cry. As a child I was always told to stop crying. Usually I cried as a child when my feelings were hurt, or I was scared. I learned as a child that showing emotion with tears was unacceptable. As I grew up and got out of my father's house I learned that it was o.k. to cry. I also have PMS badly, so every month I cry regardless of what's going on in my life. Its interesting that my father could not handle seeing emotion in my mother or myself, and I get into a relationship with an A who also cannot handle seeing my emotions. I get very angry now when I'm told to stop crying; because it does heal. I feel better after a good cry, I feel like I've released some pinned up emotions that for some reason I could not express in words. So my advice, cry girl!! You might feel better and afterwards be able to put feelings back into perspective.

Big Hug!!

QnJoan · Veteran Member

Hi Catherine,

Thank you for sharing. It has always been eaasy for me to cry. But it hasn't been easy for me to know and feel my feelings. A therapist suggested to me that my crying was covering up my anger. Since then, I have thought about what my feelings really are when I cry and I have discovered that my crying was covering up alot of my feelings-fear, resentment, and especially anger. I learned as a little girl that I could not get angry with my parent because if I did, I would just get hit again. So I cried. And stuffed all feelings into tears.

When I first got into alanon, I cried for the first 6 months. Alanon allowed me to let my feelings surface. And the floodgates opened. With the help of my sponsor and alanon friends and some good therapists, I have learned how to identify my feelings and learned how to express them appropriately. I still cry. But now I know why.

Just a suggestion...it's probably a good idea to see a physician because excessive crying can also be a symptom of an organic problem.

Thanks for listening.

Love and peace in the program,

Joan

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