The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Tonight my A finally called me. In the last 4 days since he left I would have to call him.
He called to just see what was going on. Earlier that day I said its not fair that I make the calls and he hasn't tried once to call to see how we are doing. Well what a shock he called.
At one point during the conversation I told him my chest was starting to get tight. Meaning I am starting to feel powerless in the conversation. He was calmly saying Lets keep this civil. (thinking I wasn't going to be I could hear it in his tone.) He was trying to push my buttons. I said yes lets keep this civil and he told me to have no expectations. I said there has to be a compromize on this. Every couple needs to include the other. He asked what mine were I told him.
"All I want is to talk calmly. All I want is to know that we still love each other but we will make it over this mountain together but apart for the moment. And to verbalize it so we each feel that even if things are difficult and we can't communicate at the moment that we can still say to the other "I LOVE YOU". "
I think that is a pretty good way of doing it. I really dont' think its and expecation but a love issue it should be there and said. He felt it was so uncalled for me to ask such a thing because I was the cause of all this and he needed time to heal and lick his wounds that I caused. I could of laughed but I held it in.... LOLOLOL
I said all this so camly, he had to leave the room he was in I guess. I knew then he was going to blow. I stated a clear and logical statement that he would calmly do himself and I wasn't the SHREW. He started blaming why he couldn't even say I love you.
I calmly said when you can talk to me in a civil manor please call me back. (I said it so calm.) Bye and hung up.
He turned his cellphone off he was so mad. I left a message of part of what I forgot to say before I hung up. "I love you, I hope you get a good nights rest and I hope your headache goes away. Talk to you in the morning"
He must still not be drinking he has a heck of headache for days now.
I did it I made it through without going SHREW or MENTAL. I didn't leave insane voice mail or anything. I am giving myslef a pat on the back!!!!!!
Yea...!!! GOOD FOR YOU !!!! You are way !! Congratulations, that was a huge step in the right direction..:) Yesterday when my a was out drinking .. I must have called his cell phone 50x.. Didnt leave any messages however felt like a CRAZY woman. Then when he got home, drunk of course.. i cried so much my eyes are swollen this am.. : My point is CONGRATULATIONS..... You deserve a pat on the back or maybe even a pedicure.. ( that is my big treat )
Congrats to you!!!! I always feel so good when I can control my emotions, I am learning to feel them once again, but I am in control of them. I feel so good when my A is going off the deep end, yet I stay calm and focused.
