My step-children's mom going to rehab for 30 days...help! - Al-Anon Family Group

stepmom · Newbie

My step-children's mom going to rehab for 30 days...help!

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi Kristina and Welcome to MIP and Alanon

I am certainly glad that the children's mom is seeking inpatient care and that the children will be staying with their Dad and you.

It is great that you are concerned for their well being and I would like to let you know that there are definately resources available to you, your husband and the children.

  Alanon and Alateen meetings are held in all local communities. These meetings offer understanding, and a place to express yourself and your concerns and anxiety. Here we all learned to focus on ourselves and use different tools to enrich our lives.

There are also Adult Children of Alcoholics meetings as well.  We even have a very active Board here at MIP for that group and the cildren might find that helpful.

Help with finding local meetings near where you live may be found at the following web site:           http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html            Or call: 1-888-4alanonOnline meetings are held in the Al-Anon chat room associated with this site.

From the board click on Al-Anon Group Meeting/Chat Room in the yellow box in upper left of the page. After clicking on the link please be patient, sometimes it takes a while for the window to open.

Using a search engine such as Google, and searching for Al-Anon can find other online meetings.

Most important of all we must learn that alcoholism is a disease.

We did not cause it, cannot control it and cannot cure it. We need to learn to take the focus off the alcoholic, focus on ourselves and our lives and have compassion for the alcoholic.. This is a process and that is the reason for the meetings, the Boards and the sharing.

Isolatating is something many do in denying this disease. It is important that we all break the isolation and connect with others who understand.

Please keep coming back there is help and hope

abbyal · ~*Service Worker*~

Hello and welcome , the best way to support the teens in my opinion is like has already been suggested , find them an Alateen meeting and find Al-Anon for yourself if your all on the same page you have a chance , thier mother will be a part of your life for the rest of your life because of the kids , u too need to learn a way to live with the alcoholism KIds blame themselves , they think they should be able to help the alcoholic , they grow up way too fast and have seen so much = they need a group of thier peers who will reasure them this is not thier fault ..if there is no alateen in your area the older ones can attened Al-Anon meetings .. We also have literature daily readers etc written by teens for teens perhaps u could purchase a couple of them for the kids thier reader is called ADAT = a day at a time .goodluck Louise

stepmom · Newbie

Thank you for the information! Now I'm struggling with how to approach this situation. I have a close relationship with my youngest step-daughter so it's not a problem with her, but the other two were teenagers when their dad and I married and it will be up to their dad to get them some help. I'm not sure if he understands how hard it will be for the kids after their mom gets back. From what I understand, 30 days of treatment is helpful, but certainly not the end. I assume she will be struggling when she gets home, especially since she'll be back in the environment where she spent most of her time drinking.

Right now the family is in this stage where they think everything will be fine because she's going to treatment. I'm the only one doing the research and finding out this will be no picnic when she gets home. Am I right?

xeno59 · ~*Service Worker*~

Stepmom

Hi and welcome to MIP and Alanon
How great that you are being proactive and taking steps to help your step children.
You've already been given great suggestions.
I grew up surrounded with this disease and now although we did our best to break the cycle our son is an addict. That is when I found Alanon and I can truthfully say it has saved my life and my sanity.
In my experience it is great that your H's exwife sees there is a problem and is seeking help. It is also my experience that 30 day rehab stints unless the person is really dedicated doesn't work too well. It seems about the 30 day mark they are just starting to grasp the concept of sobriety.
But there is always hope. Do remember this is a life long disease and it is progressive.
So yes it will be a daily struggle for her to maintain her sobriety.
Get all the information you can and if you can get the kids to some ala teen meetings or alanon. If they are willing it will help them cope so much better with thier mother wether she is drinking or not.
Would also suggest alanon for you. Because of the children she will always be in your life somehow so you learning about this disease and how to cope with it in a healthy way will be beneficial to you as well as the children.
Please keep coming back
Blessings

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.