"Self-Blame"

Today let's talk about self-blame. Unreasonable expectations and self-blame

can really make our lives miserable. For example, how often do you hear

yourself say something such as, "I left the car lights on - how could I be

so stupid?" Or, "I really put my foot in it that time - I guess I will never

learn."

Sound familiar? Self-blaming statements like these are commonplace for far

too many of us. Now, there is nothing the matter with the first part of

these statements - they are just simple facts. But it is the second part -

the judgmental blast - that keeps us feeling miserable.

What if we get rid of the judgments and substitute something more positive?

For instance: "I left the car lights on - what an inconvenience! Next time,

I will be more careful." Or, "I sure did put my foot in it that time! That

is not like me at all. Next time, I will do it differently."

Do you see the difference? While you are acknowledging that your behavior

could use some improvement, you are also recognizing your basic competence

and stating your intention to do better in the future.

Instead of judging yourself harshly, why not just allow yourself to make

mistakes now and then without making a big deal about it. Then, give

yourself a positive goal to shoot for. You will find that your self-esteem

will really grow as a result.

Lou Tice