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MY daughter called me after 2pm drunk :( She didn't know what she was saying,,,out of her mind as usual wanting someone's number she has no business calling :( I called the number back where she called from. Just got an answering voice,,,,some stupid dude guys voice I don't know. Not her boyfriend :( She was suppose to find out tomorrow if she was losing her new job due to her disorderly conducts. Now she will miss work or go with alcohol on her breath :( I can't be positive now. I can't be pro alanon. Nope,,,no more for me :( I was hoping she was one who could do it and be clean and sober. Boy,,,have I been fooled :( I hate alcoholism! I hate that I gave birth to an alcoholic! She didn't ask for this awful horrible heart wrenching heart breaking disesase! I am home by myself crying and screaming my feelings out. It doesn't pay to call my husband at work. He has been down enough as it is. I pray she is safe,,,,please GOD! Make her safe! I want my daughter back!!!!! I thought I had her back and the disease still has her! I hate alcoholism! I hate it , I hate it, I hate it! Why don't our prayers work! why!!!!! I will post when I hear anything. I just want my daughter to be safe!!!!! cdb :(
My heart is breaking for you...your pain is so intense...
I wish there was something I could say to comfort you...you know if there was any way that your friends could fix it for you we would, but we can't...and you can't either...
Prayers do work, when they are asking for endurance through problems, or for wisdom to deal with problems effectively, or for comfort in times of stress, but as much as we would like our prayers to be enough to shield our beloved children from pain, or sickness, or suffering as a result of bad choices...it just does not work that way...
If love and prayers were enough to shield our children from pain and sickness, my beloved only child would never have had the surgeries she did, or the hospitalizations she has had, or the terrible medical tests and treatments she has had to endure. I prayed for strength for both of us to endure all of these terrible things, and my prayers were answered.
I DO believe that prayers work when they ask for people to have the wisdom to make wise choices in their lives. And for people to have the endurance to make it through the hard times in life. And prayers for comfort in times of pain also work.
I am saying many prayers for you, your daughter, your husband, and parents.
Your friends are here for you and we love and care for you. I am hoping that this will provide you with some comfort from your pain.
Try not to stress out so much about things that have not happened yet...your daughter has not yet gone to work drunk, and has not yet lost her job. Maybe she will have sobered up by the time she gets to work? Let's hope...
Yep,,the 3 Cs once again. Back to step one for me too :( NO news yet. Just left a message on both phone numbers for her to get to work. Just had to do that for me. I did get 2 hours of sleep with the help of some xanax. One hour at a time for me today. Thanks again for your unconditional support, understanding and concern, cdb
I feel your pain. Been there done that with my husband a few years back. But he found his way back as I hope your daughter will. Please remember that many A's and addicts have several attempts before they find sobriety for good. The seed has been planted for her - she knows where the help is available - and I pray for both of you that she will again want that serenity she found during her last attempt.
As for you - remembering the 3 C's is great. Also Let Go & Let God. You know her HP is watching out for your daughter. Turn to your HP for guidance on how to deal with this tremendous pain you feel.
My prayers are with you.
Karen
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Nobody cares how much you know until they know how much you care. Love you all!
Karen
Thanks sooner and alamom for your kind replies. Yep the seed has been planted. Thought the seed of morality was planted too and it was but the darned disease sure screws that one up too. Going back to bed now to take care of me. I don't need a flare up of my fibromyalgia. Just spent a whole week in bed and finally was getting better. Let go Let god is all I have right now plus your support. cdb Thanks again.....PS,,,,it is good I never called my spouse yet,,,I don't need to hear all his negativity and ranting and raving right now. Hope he can handle this too. WE have some new decisions to make about helping her get back on her feet. :(
CDB, I'm so sorry you are dealing with this. Remember, Alanon is for times just like this, it's what gets me through everyday when I have to face the slurring stumbling, incoherent person that walks thru the door. Use your tools, take care of yourself, detach, detach, detach and hand it over.
We're all vulnerable, no matter how long we are in the program. The thing is, how fast can we recognize and flip from our old behaviors to the new behaviors that Alanon has taught us? The sooner the better!! You can do this. Show us what your made of girl!!!!!
One breath at a time :) Christy
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
(((CDB)))) So sorry you have had such a horrible night. Don't give up on Alanon and all the progress you have made- remember that Alanon is about helping YOU and you need yourself more than anything right now. We are here for you anytime.
I can only imagine how gut wrenching it must be to have a child who is an addict, when all you want to do is shelter and protect them, but you learn that they have to do that for themselves. My heart goes out to you and your husband and daughter. I do know of many people who have made it through the bad times to become sober, recovering addicts leading happy, healthy lives. It does take time, though, and alot of patience on everyone's part. Sometimes, it takes the slips and relapses to get there because that is part of some peoples' journeys. Don't give up hope, she is young, there is nothing wrong with wanting the best for her.
(((((CDB))))))) Many, many hugs to you. Please take care of yourself at this time when you need it most.
(((((((((((((((((((((((((CDB)))))))))))))))))))))))) My heart breaks with you I cant imagine your pain I am sure it is different than mine when it is your child and not a spouse or parent. Unless you are a child like my 3 watching this monster. Since they can not process the whole thing either. FOr today she may not be sober, but for many days she has been and for that be thankful and for many days to come she may be sober again, she may not be. But you have today and that is your focus, for tomorrow may never come. We all have character defects but that does not mean that because they sometimes take over we do not love or can not receive love. Your young daughter is having troubles and my Prayers are with you and her, but you need to focus on you and your program, Sometimes a slip from our A cause us to slip too, and none of us can afford to loose what we have tried so hard to obtain. No one asks for this to break our hearts, God does hear you and loves you as we all do and your daughter, I feel many of us sometimes we turn our backs on our LOrd for we do not fully understand why we are confronted with so much pain to see. I know he hears you and in my heart I know the (((((cdb)))) I adore hears him also just frustrated and he forgives us all for that, cause we are human. Keep comming and never doubt his word, for he has helped many times and will always help you it is the helping ourselves that cause us failure not HP took me along time to understand his word again and sometimes yes I still doubt the things I can not change for I am powerless too, take care my friend, and live for today and for what you do have and the sunshines sometimes but not always in the same place twice if that makes sense. I love you babe smoochies.
Honey take that deep breath, relax your shoulders. Breath out and imagine your putting her in hp's hands.
Of course she drank! She is an alcoholic!! The get clean, they relapse, they be sober for awhile, maybe clean and sober and program. But it is all the cycle of A.
This is part of the reality that alanon is trying to help us with. We detach, we don't take thier inventory. It is none of our business if they drink or not. We just love them.
I know it is much much harder when it is our child. We have a natural need to nurture them. We can do nothing but love them sweet heart. Let go and let god. Whether she drinks or not, she is still your daughter.
Of course you are tore up. But stop the negative crap in your head. Just say stop and put in I am ok. Becuz YOU are. If she was in a diabetic coma you would not feel she failed or was not her....
She is very sick. We need to go on with our lives and pray that they find sobriety and recovery again. We cannot give them money, provide a home, NOTHING. NO food, nothing! I have been where you are. I finally realized all the above. I cannot even give mine me at all. I will not share at all with him.
If we don't stop giving to them, they will not ever get tired enough to stop. She loves oubotyh very much. I found I had to give the A a chance to hit a place where he realized how much he loved his family. And how he wanted to be sober to enjoy them.
Please go easy on you. focus on you. When you think about it, go eat or go take a showe. go on with your life. I found this is how I found serenity, the whole world can fall apart but when I take a day at a time and let go and leg god, and really have faith, I just sit back and breath and hope for the best.
cdb, I wish there were some magic words I could say that would make it all better. (Poof!!) Alas there are none. But please know that I hold you and your daughter close in my prayers and positive thoughts. I know it's easier said than done, but please try to take care of yourself. Remember and repeat the 3Cs. Of all the slogans, I find this one the most helpful.
With love and deep caring, Diva
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"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
I can so relate as you know. My A has had many relapses in the past year of his trying. He just got out of detox last week and is trying yet again. Sadly this time I can't even seem to get my hopes up. I am hoping that my "not so positive attitude" doesn't bring him down but have been through so many ups and downs just can't get excited anymore. The disappointment each time he relapses is just so great. We are dealing with one horrible disease that just doesn't want to let go of our loved ones. All we can do is pray and take care of ourselves. She will try again and you will want to be there for her. I know how hard it is to keep it together but you must. The tools will help you to do this. Still hopeful in recovery, Lisa
I am so sorry you are going through this. i don't have any experience with this but I have watched my mother go through it with me and my sister. When I was fifteen I started drinking and using and i didn't stop until I was 22. And I did not care what my mom said, i was in pain and i was going to get f***ed up if I wanted to . That was my attitude. Pretty mean but I literally could not help myself until I wanted to get help. i saw what she was going through and she tried to do whatever she could but I cared more about drinking and getting high. I guess what I am trying to say is that she probably isn't doing this to hurt you and down deep she cares but she won't be able to stop until she decides she needs to for herself. It is very powerful, at least it was for me. It got me out of my shell and I had a good time. Somehow I didn't end up dead or in jail, by the grace of God. But I actually loved it!!! I did not have to face my pain. Pretty sick. After I got fed up with the lifestyle, I got myself out. I guess it was just my time but NO ONE could have made me do it. I hope this helps and I really hope that you take care of yourself in this time of crisis.
Love
Julie
P.S. I am in no way trying to say that your daughter feels the same way as I did, I just wanted to tell you my experience with it. Thanks.
Thanks again so much for your loving support. Wish I could just pull out of this but for now I am just walking around like a zombie. At least I slept until 4pm. My daughter did finally call me and awake me. She said the supervisor at the bank didn't like her anyway and she was 5 mintutes late for work yesterday and got a warning. Huh! Any excuse for them to drink! I asked if she went to work today and she said no. I told her she should at least call or something but doubt if she will.....Geez, I use to even teach High School kids how to get a job, interview etc. and supervise their work places. How ironic this is. I doubt if she will call. I told her I was so tired that I couldn't talk to her anymore and to call or come by later so we could talk. The "mean what we say and don't say it mean" has to go into effect now.
My son just now called me. I guess my daughter left a phone message with him at 2:40am with a bunch of talking crap too. He could tell she was messed up. I keep telling him not to answer the phone when she calls. He sounds just as dissapointed at us. (((((((((son)))))) Alcoholics sure like drama,,,well not all alcoholics, but for sure this one.
This guy my daughter use to paint for that has his own dysfunction is the one that brought my daughter and her boyfriend out to a bar last night. The boyfriend told my husband my daughter snuck drinks. So the boyfriend took my daughter's car and left her there knowing she had a free ticket for a taxi ride home. Still not sure what I think of this boyfriend and what he is trying to prove by staying with her. He use to be married to an alcoholic that would wake up at night and beat the crap out of him. Go figure? Daughter said this guy will hire her to do his bookwork. He is this very needy man that wants to hang out with young kids. Could be a pedaphile as far as I am concerned. I have my suspicions. Good person to work for (ugh)....no benefits...pays cash...takes daughter to bars and out on his sale boat cause he has no friends.
Yes, husband and I are in the deep depths of despair. I have a right to stay here for awhile. Sure I may pull myself out. But it is my choice to sit here right now and take all this hurt in. I will re-read your replies over and over so they can soak in. I am still numb now and under the effects of xanax for now. Thanks again for the support you are giving me. I know alanon works if you work it. Just don't feel like working it now. cdb
I am so very sory that you are feeling they way you are right now and I am so sory that I haven't been here for you as I was away on holidays. I had so much hope for your daughter and it saddens my heart to here of this relaps.
You are in my thoughts and prayers and I am thinking of you. I know that you will get through this and your friends here are so supportive.
All my love and prayers for you and your family JJ
I just can't imagine this site without you being here - especially in the chat room. I know you are really disappointed and you are so worried for your daughter as I am for my son (he gets himself into some terrible messes).I believe that we must be strong (so hard to do, I know). It is just so stupid to run after them and try to make things better but I know exactly where you're coming from. I've done that so many times but I've stopped now. I realise that I got myself so stressed out with my son's behaviour and all my worrying didn't make a blind bit of difference. It only hurt me. Of course I still worry. I'm only human as you are and I never imagined this happening to my beloved son but...... there's nothing I can do - only he can do that. All the talking in the world won't seep in unless they want it!!! Your daughter has had a taste of recovery and that is so good - she knows what it feels like and maybe, just maybe she'll seek that again. Right now cdb, try to concentrate on yourself and be kind to yourself too. It's so obvious that you are a caring mum and it is so difficult to "leave them to their own devices" - their own choices. Do you realise how far you've come in this program my friend?????? You will be in my thoughts, dear friend and keep coming to chat or I'll come and get ya!!
I too am here for you, as are many others. I, like others, have not had the experience with my children so all I can do is be there for you if you need, listen when you need to vent to allow you to feel your feelings with unconditional support.
Remember, after many horrible hurricanes, thunderstorms, etc., there is often a rainbow. I hope you will be ok ((((((((((((cb))))))))))))).
Keep coming,
Love Maria
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If I am not for me, who will be? If I am only for myself, then who am I? If not now, when?
Just look at all the lives you have touched in Ala-non. You know this stuff forwards and backwards. You also know that you have every right to grieve the loss of her sobriety. Feel what you feel and then get back to the basics of Ala-non. Hearing you say you're done with Ala-non took the wind out of my sails. I, like many others here look to you as you inspire us to work this program. You are much stronger than you feel right now.
Hello whitie and thanks everyone for your supportive replies,
Yes the wind is surely taken out of me for sure. I am grieving the loss of sobriety of my young daughter. I am also grieving my mom's alzheimers and my dad's failing heart health. I am grieving the loss of affection from my arrogant husband who feels a fat person isn't worth the time of day. Yep, I do have alot of my plate. That must be why this has hit me so very hard. I am really trying and with all your loving support I imagine I will find my way back. For now, I do need to grieve. My life has been turned upside down with so many things now and I have just plane and simple run out of energy. One slow step at a time is where I am right now. Just one slow foot in front of the other. What else can I say. I have always been honest and there is no need to put on a fake attitude now. Thanks again for the support. I do seem to be getting a little better one moment at a time. your friend in recovery, cdb
