The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am struggling to cope as my A works through the program. He is now 5 months sober. I left him a year ago, with an infant on my hip, and moved in with my parents. I could not take his drug and alcohol abuse any longer, and needed to get our daughter away from it. I never stopped loving him, and he knew this. He got sober for himself, but I had the impression that once he was sober we would work things out. He went to rehab 5 hours away in another state, and is now living in a sober-house there. I was always in constant contact with him, went through the family program at his rehab center, and did all I could to help him. I find myself so hurt and jealous of all of his new friends and relationships, when he doesn’t want to work on ours. I guess I am just angry that he left his wife and child behind and is now living a new life. I am trying to be very supportive and understanding of his life, but just can’t comprehend why he doesn’t want to be back here with us. I try so hard to just focus on myself and my beautiful child, but I also want to get on with my life. I don’t want to live with my parents anymore, but cannot afford to move out, as I am our daughter’s sole support. I guess I just needed to vent, and I appreciate this forum as an outlet for my feelings. I just feel very alone, and with work and child, it is very hard to get to a face-to-face meeting.
Hello Maggie, glad you posted here, I am sure your parents would watch the little one while u attend a couple of meetings a week. Your worth the effort maggie and so is your marriage. You will find people who will understand and support you , who h ave been where your at and can share thier own experiences with you.
Often we are jealous of our A's involvment in AA and new friends etc. but it sure beats drunk !! once settled in Al-Anon u will make your own friends and you and hubby will once again be speaking the same language and together u will me other couples in recovery. I was told that an A can't go home to an old idea and stay sober. I was the old idea , we all have to change not just the A. Al-Anon will show u how to do that. Leave him to God and AA and find some meetings for yourself . Neither of our programs promises to save our marriage but they do promise to return us to sanity. and I believe that if there are 2 programs in the family we have a better chance of making it work. good luck , and please find the time to make some meetings you won't be sorry it will truly change your life for the better . Louise
Hello Maggie, I know exactly how you feel and I feel the same , (read some of my previous postings). I to find it very hard and cannt comprehend why he would not want his family back. While it seems he is having the time of his life socialising with new friends, travelling to different countries to attend conventions and giving lectures , while I am at home with our three children struggling to cope with anything, and feeling like a prisoner. I know he struggles daily and to be honest i also know I could not cope with him at home anyway. The way he talks and acts is very strange and not like the man i used to know at all. It seems that although he isnt drinking he still isnt a very nice person and has lots of other problems of his own to tackle ( he has been sober same length of time as urs). The only thing i know I can do is try and focus on me and my kids. This i am trying to do, but i can tell you it isnt easy. I have been going to f2f meetings for several months now and always feel peaceful and calm at the end of them, but its difficult to get to more than one a week because of child care. All i can say is what others have said to me , which is get to as many meetings as you can, try an not obsess over him and let him get on with it, while you concentrate on yourself. I know its very easy to talk the talk, but to walk the walk is a different matter altogether. The only thing any of us can do is try our best. We cant predict the future , all we can do it live in the today. Take care
Thank you all so much for your posts. I try so hard to work the program and find myself back in the same old routine - getting angry when he doesn't call, holding the past against him, etc. I think I am still waiting for him to make amends with me, when I actually haven't made amends with him either. I like the thought that an A can't go home to the same old idea. That is what my A said to me last night in a nutshell - that I haven't changed. And I am like, "what needs to change about me?!" Obviously, something! It is so hard to look at one's self like that.
Again, thanks for your responses. I will be getting to some F2F meetings.
