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My 10 year old knows somethings up. He'll ask me "Why is daddy asleep so early" "Why can't we wake him" "Is it the alcohol he drinks?"
Well, part of me wants to say all the wrong things, which would be wrong. Part of me wants to hide it, which would be wrong too. I feel if he's been asking over a couple of times, it's about time he should know something. I know you can't hide what they already can see, but I'm not sure how to approach this subject with him in the proper way.
Is there literature for 10 year olds?
I did very calmly tell my hub, who's not in AA, who thinks he can control it. I told him I was going to inform our son answers to his questions. I told him I know I can't stop you from drinking, and you can't stop me from answerwing our sons questions. He did't really reply to me, for I wasn't asking him. I was just informing my hub. Anyway I don't know if I did the right thing by telling my hub. I could use some guidance here. Any suggestions I would greatly appreciate.
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Come back when you need us, come back, we need you.
Your friend, ~De Anna~ 8-D
At 10, your son is old enough to understand. Answer his questions briefly but honestly; be sure he knows you are there for him. I believe it will do more harm than good to attempt to protect him from the facts. The book Maria123 recommends would no doubt be helpful too. Good luck. With caring, Diva
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"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
I too have a 9 year old and a 6 year old that have questions. When I first started Al-anon I was answering the questions better than I do now. It is hard at this age to find many books or information on this topic but checking Al-ateen web site can help. I have heard some places have something called Al-atot that is for younger children but I don't know what they use for literature.
I would really be interested in any answers on this subject as well, however, I have read the "What is drunk, Mama?" book to my kids and I think it was very good. I also agree in answering the questions honestly.
I have always believed in being honest with the kids. If they see things I tell them in an age apropriate way whats going on. The kids know Daddy's drinking, they smell it and they can see he acts differently. I don't tell them what they don't see, they see more than enough without adding to it. My son's school has a counseling group for children from 5 up, it is called Rainbows and has helped him so much.
I remind the kids that Daddy is sick, but he does love them very much. I rmeind them that they can always come to me and when they have questions I answer them honestly in short answers for the young ones and hte older ones already know and know I am always willing to talk. I do remind them often NEVER to get in the car with him unless they have my okay. This aggravates him, but I will not have it any other way.
Hi --- kids they are so intuitive aren't they > we think we are protecting them from the insanity but they get it . don't know whats wrong just know something is not right.
I found it easier to just pass on what i was learning here to my kids to not take the nasty things he says personally but that he just had too much to drink. Honesty works with kids and they will follow your lead when u learn to handle it better they will too. Kids just want to know the truth they don't need to know the nitty gritty stuff, just the facts. Al-Anon prints an awsome book for young people there may be a few coppies still around it is called :What's drunk Mama? make it so easy for kids to understand . talks about this being a disease and to respect thier dad . hope u can find a copy
Also our kids don't need us lying to them , they came home and saw that we had been crying and are concerned I used to say no there is nothing wrong . so I was teach ing them to not trust what they saw and felt. After comming here I would jsut say that I was sad but would be better soon and give them a hug. Honesty works .
