The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Sometimes, to protect ourselves, we close ourselves off from a person we're in a relationship with. Our body may be present, but we're not.
Shutting don, shutting off, closing ourselves and removing our emotionsl presence from a relationship is a powerful tool. We need to use it carefully and responsibly. To achieve intimacy and closeness in a realtionship, we need to be present emotionally. We need to be available.
I do this with out even noticing!! eeekkk! I don't just do this with my hubby but with everyone, including friends, my alanon group, and here. I know this is a huge defect of my character and the ones who suffer the most are my children. I am so sory that I do this. I know why and at times it is a survival thing but with thoes who are trying to be there for me do not deserve it!!!
I am realizing that I do this and that is good and hopefully I will come to see it before it happens.
My HP was at work when SIL pointed this out to me and showed me a reading she had come across. In a kind way she was saying wake up and smell the roses. So yesterday when my AA friend had called me and I brushed him off saying I'm just in a funk "you know" and said bye. Sheesh I owed him an appology because he has my best interest in heart and is just trying to help!! So I called him and low and behold I did a 12 step call for him and it helpped me ALOT!!!
I just wanted to share this with you guys because hey I know that I am not the only one that does this. Just noticing it does help bring myself out of it. Putting the steps back to work is so important!!
what a great reminder - for so many years I did that when husband was active. I still find myself doing it every once in a while. And here I thought I was the only one. I have to remind myself not to but sometimes I dont even know that is what I am doing.
Fortunately, I rebound quicker these days - I will use the tools of this program to help me get back to where I need to be.
Again thanks - what a wise person you are.
Karen
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Nobody cares how much you know until they know how much you care. Love you all!
Karen
I know I do this with my a husband. I think I do it to protect myself so I'm less involved when he disappoints me once again. I imagine this is a very common trait w/ala-noner's Until I read your post I hadn't thought about how much I do this in other relationships. My family growing up didn't talk about anything important. Shutting down was normal, especially when 4 older siblings knocked you down all the time. Every day is another chance to work this program, odat!
I love the concept in program about how sometimes choosing not to act can sometimes be the action we need to take! This reminds me that witholding can actually be a loving thing for me and the other person involved depending on the circumstances.
I have definitely experienced this behavior with friends, family and ex's. Sometimes I need that time out to get clear about what MY part in the situation is or what action I want to take next for MYSELF.
Thanks for the post.
Love and hugs, Jessi
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If you want something you've never had, you have to do something you've never done.
