The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Yesterday was another binge day for A (husband) this one over 9 hours. I've been posting about this for a while. That binging once a week like clock work ever since a good friend got killed in an auto accident about 2 months ago. I have been trying to stop the screaming and crying when he comes home. I did really well last night. But all day today it just nagged at me. So early this afternoon I tried talking, calmly, but got his stock answer "don't go there" I talked AT him for a few minutes any way. Of course he didn't say anything at all as usual.So he went upstairs to take a nap and I puttered around the house alone as usual. He came down after an hour or so and was just making general conversation off and on. (I had a very important job interview this morning in a strange town an hour away and of course had no support yesterday or this morning because of the weekly outing and I was holding a lot of anger about that) So after listening to this chit chat for about an hour, I lost it. Back to the yelling and crying. He went back up stairs and I followed him, still crying. Well I calmed down some, and some how we started to talk. 2 of the hours that I thought he was still in the bar he was at the cemetary talking to Rick(car accident) and right down the hill Chris (who shot himself 6 years ago after drinking all day with my A and Rick!) So he was with 2 old drinking buddies, pretty sad. In the course of talking he said that something is eating at him he just doesn't know what. I told him that I am acting out of fear that he will end up there with them. Or that he is going to get into trouble. A DUI would ruin his career. He is the local radio personality, very public for a small town. I'm sure lots know that he drinks, but very rural and lots probably don't. So I say what are you doing? And he sat up and said I don't know what I am doing and I've been worried for a while too about getting in trouble. Well we just stared at each other and I could have started crying again. That is the1st time in 20 years that it has ever been admitted that drinking COULD cause a problem! I don't know what that means if anything. I just gave him a quick hug and told him that I love him and we sat together and watched TV for a while. He is sleeping now and I needed to come here, it helps to unload all of this. I'm glad you all are here to listen and some times even chime in. XOXOXOXO whatif
I have a tendency to believe there is still some hope when they can acknowledge alcohol just "might" be the problem. With that word "might" in there, Denial can still play it's part. They have to have an admission that it IS the problem, and/or have an awakening. No authority here. Take what you like and leave the rest. Have seen some admit it, and still decide to go right on using. Some will have a realization and seek help. Some will think they can stop drinking a thousand times without help and on their own, and keep right on in the cycle. Keep Coming Back, and taking care of you! : )
