The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I just found out this morning that one of my husbands drinking buddies was attacked this weekend.
Up until a year ago my husband spent most nights at this bar in a really seedy part of time. I gave him an ultimatum that I could no longer live with it and we could not afford it. If he continued going there I told him I would consider the marriage over. This place was sucking our bank account dry and he went there to cash his paycheck, which needless to say didn't make it home. He has not been there in over a year. Drinks in private instead, and complains to me that I took his bar away.
Well his friend was drunk and was jumped in the parking lot, beaten and left for dead. He is now on life support, and they have already gotten one flat brain scan, they must do another to determine if he is brain dead. He is 45 years old with a wife and two young children, and most likely will not make it. He has tried to get sober several times, about 2 years ago he would not see my husband because he said my husband was a danger to his sobriety.
While I am sad for him and his family, he is a nice man, and when sober pleasant to be around. I keep thinking to myslef that it could have been my husband. Okay maybe it was controlling of me to stop him from going there, but financially I had to. Now I see what has happened, and this place is a real dive with fights all the time, and I don't know what to think.
His family is in my prayers, no matter what happens they have a rough road ahead of them.
Sure is a tough reminder of where drug addiction can take a person. A thought about your statement about controlling your husband: if it is true that we do not have control over people, places, or things, then maybe it was not your attempt to control your husband, but your husband choice to choose you over the bar. Now, if he would choose himself over the drug alcohol, hen?
And yes if my husband would just decide to choose himslef over alcohol, there might be some hope for him.
His friend is still on life support, and my husband didn't know what happend. He was drunk the last few nights and I was not going to even attempt to speak to him. Last night I told him about it, I told him that he was leaving the bar and was attacked and that he was beaten and left for dead. I said he probably is not going to make it.
My husband got an attitude and very defensive and said "Oh sure, now you are going to tell me that he might die because of his drinking." I told him that I wasn't going to tell him anything, I just thought he would want to know what happened. He kept insisting that this had nothing to do with his friend drinking, or the bar, and kept cursing out the guys who did it.
I asked him who he was trying to convince himself or me, then I told him to think whatever he wants. I said I would let him know if I heard anyhting else and said goodnight.
It amazes me how he will do anything to justify his or anyone elses drinking, and refuses to see the whole picture.
You did what you felt was right and now you still have your husband who isn't on life support and hopefully his paycheck is making it home now.
We don't know what life will bring but unfortunetly for that man his life is over because he lost sight of his sobriety. You can't second guess yourself because a crisis happens to someone else.
I feel like you are doing it correctly and your husband would go to the bar if he wanted to, he made the choice to stay home with you and drink in private, it sounds like the alcohol talking when he says you took away his bar, but remember you didn't take away anything he made a choice and so did you, you set a boundry that you could live with.
Take care of you and be good to yourself. My prayers are with the family of this man and I pray that they will be taken care of.
