The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Working on me, focusing on my feelings I am wondering what makes me think I am stronger than I am?
I am very happy with the way my home is. My sanctuary is doing well, I am not feeling overwhelmed. Then someone calls about a rescue and can I help? I want to say no. But she says she will have to put the animal down if I don't take it. I think that is dirty pool.
Of course I take this beast. She is a huge red farm pig who is like having a rhino on my place.
She is tearing my place apart. I am not taking this well. Havintg a compromised emotional status as it is, this is hard. I am out trying to put fences back up with hands that I am losing the ability to even use anymore.
I want to stop offering to help. Some llamas were lose. I said I immediately told the gal I would go get them. Well thank you hp that someone else got them. What in the world posessed me to offer? I wanted to slap myself.
My serenity is compromised when I take on more than I can do. Maybe I had to get this miserable to stop saying yes.
I have people working on getting this huge pig out of here. Of course I get sad at my A becuz he is not here. Here I am alone on five acres that was meant to be shared. I have no idea what the A is doing. All I know is he is not here, and he has not called for seven days.
Ya see I am way past the anger, or resentment. I don't care what drug he is on, I just miss him. He will always have the disease, I just miss even looking at him.
thank you for allowing me to vent. My darn computer is still not working right so I cannot do email. Makes me even more lonely.
Hello , I know what you mean i usually do the same thing. Have double saying "No" and take on to much and feel sorry for myself when I cant cope. Things usually work out though one way or another. I also miss my A even though he's not very nice most of the time. Just have faith, things will pick up.
I did the same thing yesterday - "rescued". ok I figure if I do it enough I'll stop. Getting close, too. Running out of time what with taking care of myself. I guess that's the point. I am figuring what events "pay me back" nurture me etc. Then I am concentrating on those (well that's my plann). I am praying for the awareness to go with what works for me.
Oh Debilyn I never cease to be amazed at how well you are doing. You are a truly amazing woman and an inspiration to us all. But sweetheart, just how many pigs can one deal with in one go!!! I can't imagine anything worse than chasing after a pig/rhino, but you will look back on this and see the funny side. Thank god for a sense of humour.
When I'm caught by surprise by someone asking me do something I try really hard to "Stop and Think". [what would we do without the Slogans]. A good one for me is to say - 'I'll check my diary and get back to you'.
Sorry you are having a bad day but I know you will bounce back. Thinking of you and that red farm tyrant..... with love, Sheila
